Affects

I know, I know...It's been a while. Life is pretty hectic these days. Brian and I have both been out of town (I travelled to Huntsville to visit some relatives and Brian ventured to Helen, GA to put his PawPaw's lot up for sale). We are moving back to Pensacola in ten or eleven days and moving is always crazy for me. I've been reading Becky's blog about OCD and I believe that I may battle it a bit. I don't know for sure, seeing as I have never been diagnosed. I see a lot of the signs of the disorder in myself and am especially aware of it because of the lack of complete and total order in my life because we are in between houses. Perhaps I am behaving as any normal female would in a time of craziness; however, if you know me well, you know that I have a strange organization and cleaning obsession. Anyway, onto other things... I have had a rough couple of days here lately with my big, bad attitude, or BBA as I like to call it. I don't know what it is in me (sin!) that causes me to be so irritable and ill-spirited when things are not working out as I would have them to. I have been so weird and MEAN the past two days. I feel like my life is completely out of order, physically, and it is affecting everything within reach. I see this in hindsight... way after I have shown my BBA to Brian and others in the path of its destruction. I am busy trying to find a job. Supposedly, now the Master's degree is the new Bachelor's. There is such inflation with regard to education these days. Ack. I have no desire to seek satitisfaction within a career field, per se; however, I am looking to busy myself with tasks that create an income (for now, while we have no small children). Brian and I are really into finding ways to cut costs and save money. We are even brainstorming about how to live mortgage-free (see Rob Roy's Mortgage Free for more details). I have applied for many different jobs, but have been denied most (if not all) opportunities because of a lack of experience. Doesn't that keep me from gaining experience? Sick cycle carousel.

MPH, Luther, and loooooove

Lots going on in my mind these days... Not a whole lot as far as the calendar is concerned. I am learning to enjoy these times of quiet and "boredom." As of late: Honduras. (I am still trying to find a way to put into words some of the things that God did in my heart...I will write when it comes together a bit more) Sunday School. We've been moving through the letter of Titus (written by Paul to Titus). It's been a real honor to be under Rob's leadership and teaching at Harmony Ridge. I really have been enjoying this group study of this letter. This past Sunday, we were arrived in the third chapter where Paul says,

Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work... Obeying the speed limit was brought up and several people brought up comments about how a standard deviation of about 5 MPH was alright, etc and also how if everyone was going 90 MPH, the policmen couldn't keep up with writing everyone tickets. I am sure that the gentleman who offered the latter comment was joking, but it left me thinking. Later in the week, I was reading through R.C. Sproul's The Holiness of God and I came across this part that reminded me of Sunday's discussion. This particular chapter is entitled The Insanity of Luther. Sproul says,

None of keeps the Great Commandment for five minutes. We may think that we do in a surface way, but on a momen'ts reflection it is clear that we don't love God with our whole heart or our whole mind or our whole strength. We don't love our neighbor as ourselves. We may do everything in our power to avoid thinking about this at a deep level, but there is always that nagging sense in the back of our minds to accuse us of the certain knowledge that, in fact, we violate the Great Commandment every day. Like Isaiah, we know that no one else keeps the Great Commandment either. Herein is our comfort: Nobody is perfect. We all fall short of perfect love for God, so why worry about it? It doesn't drive sane people to the confessional for six hours a day. If God punished everyone who failed to keep the Great Commandment, He would have to punish everyone in the world. The test is too great, too demanding; it is not fair. God will have to judge us on a curve.

Luther didn't see it that way. He realized that if God graded on a curve, He would have to compromise His own holiness. To count on God doing so is supreme arrogance and supreme foolishness as well. God does not lower His own standard to accomodate us.

Wedding Anniversary. Brian and I celebrated 2 years of marriage on July 1st (we actually celebrated on the 30th of June). It truly has been an amazing start to a wonderful God-given adventure with my closest companion. B took me to Peg-Leg-Pete's. We had to wait for about 45 minutes for a table, but it was some of the best conversation with my favorite friend. There was nothing too deep discussed, but some deep things happened in my heart towards that man. And I am so thankful for his life being intertwined with mine. He has my heart.