Confessions of A Control Freak

Meet Noa Grace

2012-01-16T19:48:00.000-06:00

Personal Vendetta

2011-10-07T19:51:00.001-05:00

I realized this week that I really have a problem with wanting to hold onto the idea of personal vengeance in a few specific relationships in my life. I will save you from having to read about specifics (I don't think that it is wise to divulge such information via blog...or perhaps at all?).

Romans 12:14-21
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I listened to a sermon that was preached to Grace Family Bible Church by Voddie Baucham. It has really cut me open...

Here are some notes:

I determine that someone has wronged me and I am at the center of the universe and they have to pay for what they've done to me.

Vengeance itself is not sinful. But ME avenging myself is sinful. Vengeance is the vindication of God's justice and righteous. It is necessary. It is right. It is good. But it isn't good when I try to carry it out.

Jesus will judge (Revelation 19:11-16, 20:7-10, 13-15) and enact vengeance. That is holy, just, and right retribution.

What's wrong with avenging myself?
Paul makes it clear in Romans 12 that we are not to avenge ourselves

Avenging ourselves means viewing ourselves in the place of God.
There is ONE who is righteous and who is to be vindicated.
I am not worthy of exacting vengeance on anyone because I am not the standard.

This means that I am satisfied with a finite punishment with an infinite one is what is deserved.
What I want and what I'd be satisfied with is if I get to punch them in the face so that I feel that they have received (from me) a satisfactory punishment. God says though, that sin is so grievous that *that* (punch in the face, telling them off, etc.) is not sufficient. My anger is insufficient.

Hypocrisy of considering my sin worthy of forgiveness and theirs worthy of wrath.
I want to exact justice on a person... when the anger in my response towards the person is worthy of hell. So, in reality: I want to give them what they deserve, but I don't want to think about my sin and what I deserve.

So, how am I now to respond as one who has been purchased by the Blood of Christ when I am wronged?

With a sober assessment of the fact that I am as guilty as my fellow man. And realizing that being insistent on vengeance is a negation of the grace that I have received.
Paul is addressing believers in Romans 12:14-21. He reminds us that we have been recipients of the grace of God. He doesn't allow us to live because I make Him feel warm and fuzzy, but because He crushed His own Son.

Know that God is serious about sin and that He will make all things right.
If I don't believe that there is a just God who will settle things at the end of the age, then my only hope is that I have to settle the score. But if I believe that there is a day coming when God will exact vengeance, then I can let go of having to make something right. I serve a God who is serious about sin. When I avenge myself, I am saying that I don't believe that God will do anything about it, or that His punishment isn't serious enough. But His own Son was crucified because of the seriousness of our sin. We can know that He is righteous, just, and holy.

I must have a desire to see my fellow man to experience the forgiveness that is available as a result of Christ's death for sin.
There are two ways that sin can be paid for: in an eternity under the wrath of God or that sin can be paid at the cross. Our desire, as those redeemed by God, ought always to be--to see that sin taken care of at the cross. What kind of a Christian would I be if I looked to myself, "Yes, Christ died and His death is sufficient for my sin. But YOU. No, you go to hell. That's what I want. Having been redeemed from that, I want you to experience that." Makes.No.Sense.

Now to put all of this to action...

Our God is in Control

2011-09-30T13:07:00.001-05:00

Our God is in Control

By Steven Curtis Chapman

This is not how it should be.

This is not how it could be.

But this is how it is.

And our God is in control.

This is not how it will be

When we finally will see

We'll see with our own eyes

He was always in control

And we will sing holy, holy, holy is our God.

We will finally really understand what it means

So we'll sing holy, holy, holy is our God.

Waiting for that day

This is not where we planned to be

when we started this journey

But this is where we are

And our God is in control

Though this first taste is bitter

There will be sweetness forever

When we finally taste and see

that our God is in control

And we will sing holy, holy, holy is our God.

We will finally really understand what it means

So we'll sing holy, holy, holy is our God.

Waiting for that day

Neglecting My Thirst

2011-09-11T16:30:00.002-05:00

It's me.
Writing from my dining room table on my husband's work laptop, which I really like. It's new and nice and sleek. Way more blogging-friendly than my old desktop PC.

I'm sitting here in the ~~quiet~~ almost quiet. I think that I hear Caleb playing with some toy in his room. He's supposed to be napping. It's Sunday afternoon. Sundays are our family's hardest day. Can you relate? I know that one day (soon?) things won't be this way, so I am trying to enjoy/perservere while today is the moment in which I find myself.

I haven't been in the blogging mood. I can always tell how I am doing by gauging my desire to write. Whether it be little journal entries, cards to friends, blog posts, letters, songs, etc., if I am "me," I am usually scribbling away on something. That just hasn't been the case since my second son, Abraham, was born.

I'm busier. More tired. More frazzled. I can't remember things as easily and I lack creativity. Creativity and writing are good friends in my world. And when creativity is lacking, writing is as well. Hate that.

The strange thing is that my chores are still being completed. Some mothers are tired and busy and their household duties become drudgery. Not my case. See, I am a total weirdo. You know the kind I mean, don't you? I am of the breed that actually (dare I say it?) enjoys housework. There is something about loading and unloading the dishwasher, folding clothes, mopping floors, dusting, vaccuuming, etc. that really helps me to decompress and/or think. I have to fight doing those things when I should be resting or reading or something like that.

Lately, I am neglectful of things that matter more than household "thinking" chores. Lately, I have been neglectful in my relationship with the One who hold all things together.

My relationship with God has certainly changed since becoming a wife and a mother. In fact, "changed" seems so light of a word when you really examine what's happened. My time has become a valuable resource... a limited one, really. There are lots of things to do and teach and learn anc build and rebuild. And I am a of the persuassion that a mother has to really be intentional about her time to make the most of the day. If I don't have a plan for when/where/how I am going to spend time in the Word or in prayer or both, then it completely goes to pot and I am left crawling into bed at a late hour, apologizing to the Lord for having not spent any focused time with Him that day.

A friend reminded me of a passage that says that the Lord gently leads those with young. I didn't really know how to take that. Does the Lord expect less of me because I am a mother? No. Don't think so. If anything, there is more instruction that leads me to believe that I am supposed to lean on Him even MORE for direction and wisdom for these little people that my husband and I are stewarding. What does the verse mean? I guess I have come to realize that the Lord knows my frame (Psalm 103) and He knows what my life looks like. He is patient with me and with my children. He expects me to rely on His grace to be able to seek Him out... And even if I don't get to have that hour long time with Him in the mornings like I once could, I can still seek Him. There is grace for that. I just have been neglecting to tap into it.

I hope you aren't like me.
I hope you've been drinking from the well of His goodness, no matter what your life looks like right now.

Thanks for checking in.
Off to get a drink.

It's been too long...

2011-08-24T11:51:00.000-05:00

So, I am a bad blogger. This is not news to you, dear reader. I am sorry that I have failed to update you. Here's to new beginnings...

We've been busy at the Caldwell house.

Here are some of the highlights (in no particular order, y'all, because I am just grateful to be updating you at all):

Brian just started his first official day back to school/work (he's a teacher) on Monday, the 22nd. He and other teachers in SR and ESC counties have actually been back at it since last week, but this was the first week with students. Brian and I painted his classroom a beautiful khaki green color over the summer. He put his own style in the classroom and I think that it seems so much warmer in there! I think that his students are going to really enjoy it. All of the other classrooms are painted an gross white color and seems so boring and drab. My man is THE man.

We sold Annie the Altima AND Fiona the Frontier. (Yes, I named our vehicles. Don't judge me. ;) We had planned to sell both of our vehicles and use the combined monies to purchased one bigger vehicle that will serve our growing family. Brian found a VW Eurovan that we really liked. We made an offer on it and then drove to Jacksonville to scope it out. We bought it that very same day and drove it all the way back home. We are really enjoying it. Especially Caleb. He regularly asks to "load up and go for ride in van." Love that boy. Abe is in a forward-facing seat now and he and Caleb are having so much fun riding around town together in the back seat.

Abraham will be one year old in a month. Crazy! I cannot believe how fast time flies. Seriously. What is the deal? Since having our first child, time seriously is zooming past us. SLOW DOWN!

I am five months pregnant with Baby Caldwell #3. I had a big ultrasound yesterday and if we were anywhere close to normal, that would have been the visit in which to reveal the gender of this little baby growing inside of me. But we're not normal. We don't want to find out until we're holding him or her in our arms. So...yeah.

Halie and I are in process of redecorating her room... the one that she will be sharing with Baby Caldwell #3. Yes. My 17-year old will be sharing a room...with a baby. Pass along any links to design blogs that you frequent. We are still shopping for ideas...

Halie started her SENIOR (what?) year this year at Ocean Springs High School. Can you believe it? I can't. I just know that this year is going to fly by for her. She has plans to go away to school and hopefully enter the nursing field. She loves all things medical. I am really so proud of her already... =)

Alright. I am going to iron. Yippie!
Happy Wednesday!

Willngness and Ability

2011-06-23T21:38:00.000-05:00

Well, friends, Brian is on the trail... The Appalachian Trail. Accompanying him this time are the following adventurers: Halie (our 16 year old daughter), Pops (Brian's dad), Mark (my brother), and Jacob (our friend). They hit the trail on Tuesday and will hopefully return sometime on Sunday evening or Monday. I am so excited to hear all of their stories!

I've been pretty busy with Caleb and Abraham... We've been visiting both sets of grandparents (minus Pops, who is, as I mentioned, hiking) and getting things done around the house. I haven't been feeling too well, but the boys have been so helpful in making me grateful for life.

I wanted to say that there has been an update to the previous post.

In my desperation, I cried out to God. I mean, who else holds the universe in the palm of His hand? I was given the faith the believe that He could organize a mess and that He was probably willing to bring order to my chaos. I asked Him. He answered back. It's been amazing. I wish that I could say more about the whole situation, but there are others involved and I don't know if it would be honoring to them to give details. Just know this, friend: He is able.

Love and hugs.

A Great War

2011-06-06T13:59:00.000-05:00

I am not very good at keeping you up to date, dear reader. My apologies.

I am experiencing a great war within my soul... one that I regretfully seek to tell you about. Why the regret? Because I just *so* wish for this waging war with sin to be over and to be free (really free!) from specific battles (okay, ALL battles). I've been a believer for a while. Why hasn't the truth of the Gospel penetrated every nook and cranny yet?

I sometimes feel this sense of hopelessness... to the point of despair. I see a picture of my soul and my body as a flower of some sort (just go with me)... and in this seemingly never-ending season, this 'ole flower is withering away.

I have so many questions and longings. I know that God knows them all...but sometimes, I wish He would just whisper in my ear that He STILL knows and that He cares. And then I wish that He would supernaturally impart to me "the plan." I know He's given us everything we need pertaining to life and Godliness (that about covers it, I know); yet, sometimes I feel like there is so much that I lack and don't yet know...and I feel like I so desperately need to know some things (that I don't know) in order to continue in this life.

Does any of this even make sense?

Last night, I could not even sleep. And that's saying something because I have two small children and am pregnant with a third. I am one tired chica. But last night, I was sleepless. The thought of this war kept me awake.

I realize that I am a sinner. Though I have been redeemed by Christ, I still sometimes just feel so lost. I am not trying to bash doctrines that are beautiful...but dang, sometimes I just wish that sanctification was instantaneous like that of justification. Ya know? I mean, our debt was satisfied in an instant on the cross. Why can't that transforming power be imparted in an instant? I am sure that it has *something* to do with the fact that the struggles (the thorns) make us aware of our need for Christ. Maybe if we were instantly sanctified, we'd be prideful? Ugh! Pride. Loathe it.

Anyway, I am quite sorry for the rant, friends.
Thought you should know where I am...
Fighting a war with sin.

April

2011-04-26T15:45:00.000-05:00

Warm Heart

2011-04-17T22:16:00.000-05:00

The Caldwell's will be celebrating Passover this year.

Growing up, I distinctly remember being a part of Palm Sunday services and (of course) (well, maybe not of course) celebrating Easter as being the day where we remember that Jesus died for the sins of those He came to save and that He rose from the grave. BUT for some reason, this year these truths/facts are really striking a different chord with me.

I don't know if it is because I have children and/or I finished "Treasuring God in Our Traditions" (Noel Piper) and really desire to cultivate some lasting and Christ-centered tendencies in our home or what. Whatever the reason, I am thankful.

I was scoping out some blogs the other night before bed and I came across one that *really* made me excited about having our very first Passover meal. I have lots of questions and frankly, I don't know if we are celebrating in the traditional kosher way; however, I really hope to please the Lord in the way that we Caldwell's choose to remember and reflect Him during our quiet little Passover supper this year. I have thoroughly enjoyed ( & have been thoroughly moved to tears at times) researching.

What are your plans for Good Friday and Easter/the day we celebrate the resurrection?

Let's Not Pretend

2011-04-13T21:20:00.000-05:00

Let's not pretend that I am a good blogger. Nope. Let's be real. I suck at it. Sorry, dear sensitive reader, for saying "sucks." I frankly just don't know what to write about half the time. During the day, I have lots of ideas for posts on this 'ole blog; however, by the time I actually get a few minutes to write a post, the idea either is seen for what it really is (lame) or is no longer seen at all (i.e. I forget what it was that I was going to write about in this blog). ::Sigh:: I'm getting old, I think.

I will say that there are lots of things going on in my little corner of the world.

Caleb will be TWO in less than one month.
Yes, you read that correctly. I can't believe it either. When people say, "Ah, seems like only yesterday..." I usually roll my eyes (inwardly), but today, I find myself with the exact same sentiment. I am currently dreaming up ideas for his birthday cake. A goal of mine is to make the birthday cake for my kiddos from scratch each year. I just feel like it is more special for me to make it than to go buy one. I may change my mind soon. Ha!

Abraham is on the verge of crawling.
Yes. Insane. I can't stop him. He is rolling all over the place. It seems like Caleb was slow at getting to the crawling stage, but not dear Abe. Nope. I expect to see him chasing his big brother all over the place any day now.

Halie will be home from school/Mississippi this weekend and throughout next week for her spring break. I am really excited. She is a junior this year and time is flying. I can't believe that next year, she will be graduating from high school. Crazy. I hope that we are able to spend lots of quality time together this year during spring break...Meaningful and fun.

I am really enjoying my at-home work for an attorney in town.
I am in charge of researching some things for a key project of his and I am really enjoying it. I get to check out scholarly blogs and learn all sorts of neat info. It's a nice outlet for me.

I am still sticking with the "30 for 30 Challenge" that I wrote about in my last post.
It's been tough. REALLY tough. I went to TJ MAXX the other night because I was looking for new linens for our bed. I foolishly walked through the clothing section "just to see" what was there. BAD idea. I found several really cute shirts that were super inexpensive and adorable. But a part of this challenge is that you can't buy anything for thirty days. It is supposed to be a time to really think about being creative with what you already have and to give you an idea of what you could really use/need in your closet.

My husband is hott.
The end.

30 for 30 Challenge

2011-04-03T19:07:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I am just going to preface with the fact that if you're male, you won't understand this post in the least. You might want to just go ahead and move along to other blogs on your blogfeed and catch up with them... Go ahead. Do it.

I am a mom to two little boys who are currently under the age of two. My oldest, Caleb, turns two in May. My youngest, Abraham, just turned 6 months on the 28th. I had TWO cesarean sections within a sixteen month period. My natural (not that it matters to you) labors went well (okay, so they were long and sorta crazy, but I have the babies, right?), but they both ended in emergency sections.

That being said, the 'ole bod isn't what it used to be. I am trying to watch what I eat (alright: sometimes, I just watch whatever I want to eat go into my mouth). I exercise (running) on a regular basis. I try to drink lots of water daily. I am still nursing every three hours (except in the night...Abe sleeps, praise Jesus).

The point: The weight is not coming off as quickly as I think it should. I am frustrated with my wardrobe and continually battle the "If I could just go shopping and by ALL NEW clothing, I would feel better about myself." But don't let my thoughts fool you; I have plenty of clothing that *does* fit. I just don't like all of it. I have lost the creative part of me that used to love putting outfits together. (Side note: I think the creativity left when my sister Bethany and I ceased to share a room. She's the creative force behind my trendiness, if it ever existed.)

Recently, I stumbled upon a blog where the author talked about taking a "30 For 30 Challenge." Basically, you use the items that you have in your closet for thirty days and decide at the end of that period what you really *need* to incorporate into your wardrobe. It may be something. It may be nothing. It depends. Anyway, I have decided to do it. I need to.

The author of another blog that I read was talking about how she and her husband are memorizing this verse: 1 Timothy 6:6-7 that says, "Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world."

I realize that there is a danger in being content with being unhealthy and being overweight. That isn't what I am advocating at all. I guess, I realize that my issue is multi-layered. I need to steadily work at being healthy and maintaining a healthy lifestyle AND I need to be content with the wardrobe that I have and work at being creative with it.

Giving & Receiving Criticism

2011-03-30T20:52:00.000-05:00

If you're breathing, you should read this article written by Justin Taylor about giving and receiving criticism in light of the cross. Let's face it: we do both. We critique and are ourselves critiqued... or criticized. Isn't that ~~interesting~~ lame? When I thought about the times that I am being critical of someone, I didn't want to use that word ("critical") because it sounds harsh. But when I am being criticized, I want to feel the injustice of it all. How ~~silly~~ sinful!

(Edit)
Okay.
I've decided to post the article because it's just SO helpful to my soul. I hope it is to yours also.

Some notes below from Alfred Poirier’s excellent article “The Cross and Criticism,” first published in The Journal of Biblical Counseling (Spring 1999).

Definition:

I’m using criticism in a broad sense as referring to any judgment made about you by another, which declares that you fall short of a particular standard.
The standard may be God’s or man’s.
The judgment may be true or false.
It may be given gently with a view to correction, or harshly and in a condemnatory fashion.
It may be given by a friend or by an enemy.
But whatever the case, it is a judgment or criticism about you, that you have fallen short of a standard.

Key Point:

A believer is one who identifies with all that God affirms and condemns in Christ’s crucifixion.

In other words, in Christ’s cross I agree with God’s judgment of me; and in Christ’s I agree with God’s justification of me. Both have a radical impact on how we take and give criticism.

Application:

Critique yourself.
Ask the Lord to give you a desire to be wise instead of a fool.
Focus on your crucifixion with Christ.
Learn to speak nourishing words to others.

How to give criticism in a godly way:

I see my brother/sister as one for whom Christ died (1 Cor. 8:11; Heb. 13:1)
I come as an equal, who also is a sinner (Rom. 3:9, 23).
I prepare my heart lest I speak out of wrong motives (Prov. 16:2; 15:28; 16:23).
I examine my own life and confess my sin first (Matt. 7:3-5).
I am always patient, in it for the long haul (Eph. 4:2; 1 Cor. 13:4).
My goal is not to condemn by debating points, but to build up through constructive criticism (Eph. 4:29).
I correct and rebuke my brother gently, in the hope that God will grant him the grace of repentance even as I myself repent only through His grace (2 Tim. 2:24-25).

Photos

2011-03-24T12:36:00.000-05:00

So, I know that I am totally biased, but these two boys are super handsome. They truly are such a joy to be around. I love being with them.

Caleb in the hospital... After being diagnosed.

Caleb in the hospital.


So ready to be home!

Thankful

2011-03-22T21:40:00.000-05:00

It's been a crazy few days.

I don't really have time for a long update, but I wanted to fill you in...

Caleb has Reactive Airway Disease (which is really vague) and will be receiving breathing treatments through a nebulizer every day (every four hours). He will also be taking a steroid and an antibiotic.

He's doing well, despite being confined to a small area (because of an IV).

We finally are home (as of tonight, around 5PM).

This is not a lifelong illness (I hope). We have been told that he will grow out of this and we are so thankful. =)

Theology, meet Reality

2011-03-21T05:02:00.002-05:00

What happens when your theology has to meet the road of life? What do you say that you believe about God? What do you actually believe about Him?

These are several of the questions that I have been asking myself since about 10 PM Sunday night. Caleb had been coughing and was really laboring to breathe. He hadn't really shown any other symptoms other than these, but the symptoms were persistent enough to keep him (and Brian & I) awake. We prayed that God would heal him and believe that God is able to do those kinds of things...even today. Around 2 AM, after Caleb had thrown up for the fourth time and after it was clear that something was wrong, Brian loaded him up and took him to the ER.

As I watched the taillights of my Altima leave my driveway and then the subdivision, the questions started.

"God, you do know that I love that little man, right?"
"God, are you going to take care of him? He's my boy, remember?"
"I know that You say that all things work together for the good of those who love You... but does this fit?"

Brian told me on the phone a while ago that seeing the doctors put an IV in Caleb was really tough and that he was so glad that I hadn't been there to see it. Whew! "Lord, that's my son! Take care of him, please?"

I just received a call from Brian saying that Baptist wants to transfer him to Sacred Heart for further testing and care. I have had to speak really firmly with myself and reject the tendency to worry. It's hard to reject and easy to embrace. But it [worry] is so unfruitful!

Jesus, may Your Name be lifted high.
Help me to know & believe You... the real You and not some version of You that is comfortable. Help my theology to match my reality.

And please help me to trust that You hold my little boy in the palm of your hand and that you love him way more than I ever could.

Don't Hold Your Breath...

2011-03-10T12:12:00.001-06:00

Not that anyone is holding his/her breath, but I haven't written in a while... and I have to confess, I miss blogging. I wish that I could commit to writing more often. There are *so* many thoughts running through my simple head and I would love to express them through this venue and have feedback.

This blog isn't serving as a journal; instead, it's just a way to write about the topics that sometimes enter my head and seem (to me) blog-worthy.

But during the day, I rarely have time to write. On the off chance that I do, I end up succumbing to posts like today's...

Random things I like right now:

* "Here For You" Passion's latest music. There are several songs that, when they are playing, I have to stop what I am doing and raise my hands & sing loudly to the Lord. My soul needs to hear my voice & heart declare these truths that are sung about on this CD. Relate? Caleb of course is right there beside me with his hands up, saying, "Jessssuuuusss!" Ha! Out of the mouths of children, y'all!

Forever Reign, by Kristian Stanfill

You are Good, You are Good when there is nothing good in me.

You are love/ You are love/ on display for all to see

You are light/You are light/ when the darkness closes in

You are hope/ You are hope/ You have covered all my sin.

You are Peace/You are peace/when my fear is crippling.

You are true/You are true/even in my wondering

You are joy/You are joy/You're the reason that i sing.

You are life/You are life/ in You death has lost its sting.

Lord, I'm running to Your arms/I'm running to Your arms.

The riches of Your love will always be enough.

Nothing compares to Your embrace.

Light of the world, forever reign!

You are more/You are more/ than my words will ever say

You are Lord/You are Lord/ All creation will proclaim

You are here/You are here/In Your presence I am made whole.

You are God/You are God

...of all else I'm letting go.

My heart will sing no other name: Jesus, Jesus

Oh let it be true.

My heart will sing no other name: Jesus, Jesus.

Let it be true.

Jesus!

You should download this right away from iTunes.

*Thesaurus.com.'s word of the day. Today's word: ersatz. Meaning? Being a substitute or imitation.

* My sister's blog: www.321bethany.blogspot.com She is beautiful and brilliant. And a real lover of Jesus. I love her personality and her appreciation of things that are eccentric. You should follow her blog. Do it.

* My brother's blog: www.kramusthoughts.blogspot.com Okay, so I am just so privileged to be related to my brother and sister (sounds weird, but it's true). They are so cool. My brother writes about all sorts of things. I mainly love his storytelling and event-relaying abilities. Also, he writes about books he reads that prompt him to love God more. And it's encouraging to read and think on. Check him out, yo!

* Children at church. They are so...honest? I appreciate their hearts and I hope that the Lord draws each one of them to Himself soon. And I hope that they don't change in their honesty before the Lord.

* Fotoflexer. It's a photo editing program that is FREE and really easy to use. Check it out! www.fotoflexer.com

'Tis all for now.

An observation

2011-02-08T21:18:00.001-06:00

...No one sets out to raise disobedient children...intentionally.
But there are so few, it seems, who are intentional about training them to love Christ.

I want to be intentional with respect to the latter.

He Understands, hallelujah!

2011-01-20T12:55:00.001-06:00

Going through a lot right now... there is so MUCH that I want to write about. I will soon enough, but not today. Priorities. =)

Read this, though, and was greatly encouraged:

Great is the LORD,

and abudant in power;

His understanding is beyond measure.

Psalm 147:5

The Joyful Impossibility

2011-01-13T14:13:00.000-06:00

Read this:
Parenting: The Joyful Impossibility

It's an article by Paul Tripp. If you're a parent, you might want to print it out and stick it next to the spanking spoon. Ha! =)

Confessions

2011-01-13T13:47:00.000-06:00

I am so not in a creative blog-posting mood right now... Actually, ever since I have had kiddos, I have lost the ability to post anything creative, I fear. So sorry, folks. I know you're sitting on the edge of your seats daily just to see what I am going to post...NOT! Ha!

So, today's post...

Confessions:

I totally do NOT love playdates. I would MUCH rather hang with my awesome friends without my children present. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my boys! They are so precious and fun. I do also realize the benefit of my boys playing with other children...it's really for their holiness (and mine). But sometimes, I feel like I can't think clearly when I am trying to manage a conversation with someone and watch/train them.
I love to cook. I fought it for the first months of marriage, but now I am over my funk and now l-o-v-e cooking. Seriously. It's a wonder I don't weight 650 pounds. (*Edit: I suppose that last sentence reflects the fact that I like to EAT too. Two confessions in one, people. Wow.)
I change the boys' crib sheets everyday. It is the bane of my existence, but I just can't stand the thought of them sleeping on gross sheets.
I hate it when my car is dirty. When I was childless, I cleaned my car out (DEEP CLEAN) every week. Crazy!
I like the smell of coffee in the afternoon, but feel bad about drinking it because I know that it isn't good for me (and will stain my teeth). #iamavainweirdo
I paint my toenails a different color every other day or so. #likeIhavethetime?
I don't sleep well at night if there is laundry piled up in the hamper.
Going to the grocery store is a stress-reliever for me. #completedork
I have a strange obsession with organizing.

Taking Christ out of Christmas. For real.

2010-12-27T22:10:00.000-06:00

Being a mom of two boys under the age of two doesn't exactly lend me much blogging time. BUT I do have a little time tonight, since Brian is out of town for a few days. Brian and I have a steady little routine of hanging with the boys until their bedtime and then we workout for an hour or so and then we're pretty much exhausted and we hit the hay ourselves. Since Brian isn't home right now, you will be thrilled to know that I have not been working out without him. I didn't want to leave him behind, ya know? Ha! Okay, so really it's just that I am enjoying the break and don't feel like working out by myself. It's back to the routine once he returns though...

I have been thinking about a lot of things lately. Lots of potential blog posts run through my mind throughout the day.

Things like this :

Today, the boys ( ages 19 months and 3 months) and are were in Target (which is a miracle in and of itself, people). We were just cruising the aisles when all of the sudden, Caleb starts yelling "POOP!" Why, son? Why? He doesn't have poop in his diaper. I honestly think he gets the sensation of farting (sorry, y'all) and the act of pooping confused. We've been trying to explain the difference to him, but apparently we need to do a better job.

Transition.

Here at the Caldwell house, we have been particularly affected this year by reading about the birth of Christ. We celebrated Him this year. I read a book by Noel Piper called "Treasuring God in Our Traditions" (Thanks, Priscila!) and it talked about being intentional. So we were. And we were blessed immeasurably by God. I became overwhelmed at the thought of Mary carrying Jesus for nine months and then giving birth to the Son of God. Can you imagine? I read something by C.J. Mahaney about Christmas and in it, he stated that the reason that Christmas is necessary is because we are sinners. So true. And overwhelming that God made a way using His own Son. Amazing. Wish I could expound more on this, but time doesn't allow at present.

I have really been thinking: Let's take Christ out of Christmas. Seriously. Let's do it. Because, be honest, most people just try to add Him on to their Americanized celebrations. Yes, we'll have a Christmas tree, the holiday ham, ornaments, stocking, and of course presents. And we fool ourselves into thinking that somehow "we know what Christmas is all about." Really? What is it about? And why can't we just STOP doing whatever it ISN'T about, for crying out loud? I don't think that God is fooled by our actions... He's God.

It's fine to celebrate a winter holiday. Shoot, let's give gifts, eat good food, see the family, etc. But let's don't pretend anymore that somehow by doing all of this frivolous stuff that we're celebrating the birth of the Savior. Sorry. Soap box.

Lately.

2010-12-09T20:00:00.000-06:00

Caleb wrestling with blankets.

Life in Pictures

2010-11-10T11:44:00.000-06:00

The boys!

We were able to celebrate Bethany's birthday with her in Pensacola at Outback. Isn't she so beautiful?

Granda sharing her meal with Caleb.

One Friday night... Abraham and Brian.

Caleb's first workday out in the yard with his Daddy.

After his bath. Gosh, I love this boy!

Caleb (18 months old) sporting his outfit from Great Sue and Uncle Chris.

Abraham (6 weeks old) sporting his outfit from Great Sue and Uncle Chris.

Caleb. 17 months.

Halie and Abraham. He was only 12 days old in this photo.

Today: Solo flight

2010-10-19T12:19:00.000-05:00

Both the boys are down for a nap. Instead of napping myself, I thought that I would take a minute to update you on today's events....

Today is my first day on my own with the boys. Since we returned from the hospital, either my mom or Brian's mom have come each day to help me manage my household. Well, I was noticing some behavior issues with Caleb since his grandmothers have been around and I thought that I needed to put up some sense of normalcy back into his schedule. I have no idea what it's like to be a grandparent. I know it's probably a pretty sweet gig.

However, I do realize that it has its hard parts. For instance, when you see your grandson (who just so happens to be one of the most adorable people on the planet) whining because he wants another snack (right after he's finished his lunch), you want to give him one right? Or when it's naptime, but he doesn't want to lay down, you don't want him to either. BUT he needs some normal in his life. And he needs to obey his Mama. I started seeing Caleb discounting what I had told him and move swiftly onto his Granda or MawMaw. Uh oh! So, while I appreciate all of their help, I thought that it would be best if I got back into the swing of normal.

It's been good so far. I am having to break some of those habits mentioned above...and there has been weeping and gnashing of teeth at times. But for the most part, it's gone well. We all loaded up and went to the bank earlier. That was my first solo trip with both of the little fellas. They were great. I was nervous, but God (again) demonstrated His grace to me.

Alright, nothing profound. Just what's going on today. =)

The story

2010-10-15T22:25:00.000-05:00

I have wanted to write for a while, but seriously, when faced with the option of blogging or sleeping, I have chosen sleep every time. The only reason that I am up now is because I am waiting to nurse Abraham before retiring for the evening.

My labor and delivery with Abraham went well. Contractions began on Tuesday, September 28th at 4 AM. They steadily increased in intensity throughout the day. I went to my previously scheduled midwife appointment, where they did a bio-physical profile ultrasound (because I was one week over my due date). There, the tech told me that the baby probably weighed 8 pounds or so. I was relieved. I just knew the baby weighed 15 pounds!

Around 2 PM I realized that the contractions were every 2 minutes or so and getting stronger. Brian and I left for the hospital while Mom and Dad hung out with Caleb. I am so grateful for my parents and for Brian's mom and stepdad. They all pitched in to make the transition for Caleb go smoothly and by God's grace, it has been great! We arrived at the hospital (I was 6 cm dilated) and the contractions slowed down (go figure). I walked around a lot and the contractions increased. It was go time! I dilated the full 10 cm in nearly no time and it was time to push. I pushed for an hour and a half and felt certain that this baby was not going to come out...the feeling much like I had with Caleb, where I ended up in an emergency c-section after four grueling hours of pushing (and thirty hours of labor). I wasn't about to endure four hours of pushing again. I said, "C-section." Jenny (the midwife) and Brian both were encouraging me to keep with it, but I knew what I felt. They called for the doctor who was on call and when he checked me, he said that the baby had been at a negative one station in the pelvis for longer than normal (indicating little change-- stuck!) and that the baby was transverse. The best thing to do was to section me.

So, at 10:03 PM on that same day and by cesarean section, we welcomed Abraham Miles Brian Caldwell into the world. He weighed 9 lbs. 6 oz. The tech was wrong...very wrong. =)

I have really enjoyed this transition from one to two children. Caleb loves Abraham. I am trying to adjust to this world of no consistent sleep. It's gone a lot better than I had imagined.

The Fam

2010-10-07T19:05:00.000-05:00

Halie turned 16!!!

Abraham Miles Brian Caldwell was born on September 28th. He weighed 9 lbs. 6 oz. and was 20 inches long.

When You Don't Know What to Say:

2010-09-22T11:49:00.000-05:00

...talk about food, fragrances, and clothes, right? =)

Chocolate Chip Cookie Sweet Rolls Alright. This is insane. I haven't tried them yet (and I do want to place some emphasis on the word 'yet'), but sheesh, don't they look delicious?

Pumpkin Pie Spice Creamer Fall is upon us, friends. Isn't that great news? I love that God ordains a cool (literally and not so literally) change after such a hot summer. It's such a reminder to me of His love. Well, another reminder of His goodness and mercy towards me is the fact that He makes the ingredients that compose Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Pumpkin Pie Spice Creamers that begin to creep out of their respective hiding places during the months of September, October, and November. If you're cheap (like me!) and can't spend $4 for one cup of coffee, buy a similar tasting creamer from your local grocer for way less the price!

Pumpkin Pie Bars I haven't tried these exact bars, but Joy the Baker has me chomping at the bit to get my hands on all the ingredients and get to work to constructing these.( I have also had my eye on another recipe that uses a yellow cake mix to make these but I have misplaced it!) She describes a similar feeling about when the fall comes and the urge to bake something with pumpkin. I relate. I've already told you.

Shea Cashmere So, obviously this isn't food. This is my favorite body cream ever! Have you tried it? It's sorta pricey, but totally worth it. Actually, right now, Bath & Body Works has the hand cream on sale for $6. You should pop in there and test it out. Seriously. I don't think you will be disappointed.

Almond Cookie Candle I am currently burning this in my house. It smells so yummy! I am all about candles that smell like food. =) I love walking into the house and smelling this scent. It isn't too strong, so if you don't like overpowering scents but just want a little *something*, this would be perfect.

Hopefully, I won't be pregnant for the duration of the fall (my due date was Monday), but just in case, I have spotted some pretty cute fall fashion tips for this fall from Pregnancy Fashion. On this site, they showcase five trends that will be sure to be fashionable and comfortable for the fall.

Okay, well that is all I have for now. I am hastily preparing for the arrival of the Womb-Dweller.

Grace & Peace!

Come By Here

2010-09-17T16:18:00.000-05:00

I follow Amanda's blog and she recently returned from a trip with Compassion International to Guatemala City. I would encourage you to read her posts about the trip.

Central and South America are both close to my heart because I have been afforded the opportunity to see the lives of the people up close in the two regions. I will tell you that there is nothing like walking along dirt roads and seeing people living among the trash that others throw out. When I lived in Reynosa, Mexico briefly, we visited a community that was in the dump, literally. As I walked through the most extreme poverty that I had ever witnessed, I felt the urgency to do something. And then I met a woman who was weeping under a shade tree. I tried my best to make out what she was saying. From what I could gather, she had lost a baby. I waited for someone who could fluently speak Spanish to help me discover what this woman's story was. As I stood, I could barely breathe. This woman described seeing her child eaten by a wild boar who was roaming throughout the trash of this city dump. She had set him under this large shade tree that we were now standing under. Horrifying. I wanted to do something! Bring this lady home with me to the United States. God, please do something. How can people live like this? But you know what I realized throughout my time there? That the U.S. also has a HUGE sense of poverty...no, not financial. But spiritual poverty. A poverty that most are largely unaware even exists.

Shaun Groves also was on the journey through Guatemala City with Compassion. He wrote a song, really a heart's cry, while he was there. PLEASE go here and read his post about the trip and also watch the video of the song that he wrote while there.

Here are the lyrics:

VERSE:
The orphans shout for a loving father
And the whores reach out for a faithful lover
We’re all singing now
God, will you come by here?

The widows need life to raise their dead and
All the beggars plead for their daily bread – Oh
We’re all singing please
God, will you come by here?

Come, we have nothing else God
And having You we want for nothing

CHORUS

Come, come and meet us here
Come and touch our tears
And we will weep no more
Come, come and meet our pain
Come and lift our lame
And we will limp no more
Come and we will want no more

VERSE 2:
The doubters pray for your signs and wonders
All the cynics say You’ll let us go under
We’re here to stay
God, will you come by here?

Come, we have nothing else God
And having You we want for nothing

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
No death, life
No angels or demons
No depth, height
Can come in between us
And Your love
Your love
Your love, Love

CHORUS

Come by, come by here!

Jesus Kept the Course

2010-09-16T12:50:00.000-05:00

I subscribe to several churches' podcasts weekly.

Today, I listened to a sermon entitled Judas Iscariot, The Suicide of Satan, and The Salvation of the World, which is the last in the Spectacular Sins series that John Piper preached at Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis. You can listen, read, or watch the entire sermon here. By the way, you should totally listen to the entire sermon, as I will just be posting a small portion of what Piper addresses.

Instead of interpreting Piper's words, I am just going to post them. :)

Piper says:

When Jesus began his ministry on the way to the cross, Satan tried to turn him away from the path of suffering and sacrifice. In the wilderness, he tempted him to turn stones into bread and jump off the temple and get the rulership of the world by worshipping him (Matthew 4:1-11). The point of all these temptations is: Don’t walk the path of suffering and sacrifice and death. Use your power to escape suffering. If you’re the Son of God, show your right to reign. And I can help you do it. Whatever you do, don’t go to the cross.

Then do you remember the time when Jesus predicted he would suffer many things from the elders and the chief priests and be killed and Peter rebuked him and said, “Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you” (Matthew 16:22). In other words, I will never let you be killed like that. Jesus did not commend him. He said, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man” (Matthew 16:23). Hindering Jesus from going to the cross was the work of Satan. Satan did not want Jesus crucified. It would be his undoing.

But here he is in Luke 22:3 entering into Judas and leading him to betray the Lord and bring him to the cross. Why the about face? Why try to divert him from the cross and then take the initiative to bring him to the cross? We are not told. Here is my effort at an answer: Satan saw his efforts to divert Jesus from the cross failing. Time after time, Jesus kept the course. His face was set like flint to die, and Satan concludes that there is no stopping him. Therefore he resolves that if he can’t stop it, he will at least make it as ugly and painful and as heartbreaking as possible. Not just death, but death by betrayal. Death by abandonment. Death by denial (see Luke 22:31-32). If he could not stop it, he would drag others into it and do as much damage as he could. It was a spectacular sequence of sins that brought Jesus to the cross.

Okay, so it's always sorta bothered me that Jesus was so hard on Peter for saying, “Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you” (Matthew 16:22). I mean, Peter loved Jesus. Peter was just expressing (from the hip, as usual--not thinking things through before speaking) that he loved Jesus and didn't wish for Him to die. He was trying to protect Jesus? Maybe. That is foolish, but it was Peter (and me sometimes too).

However, today I see most clearly that Peter's assertion of "no, never, Lord!) was a direct assault against the very plan of God and was something that Jesus had heard before from the lips of the enemy. Jesus commanded the enemy to find his proper place behind Himself. Jesus knew what He had to do in order to accomplish the plans of God that had been set before the foundations of the world.

Oh, thank You, Lord! Thank You for staying the course and for being bold and furious about sin and what You and Your Father had set out to do about sin before the creation of the world. May I be able to stay the course as You have.

A favor:

2010-09-08T14:56:00.000-05:00

I find myself really wrestling (almost to the point of giving in to) impatience.

I am feeling and thinking that I am so ready to have this baby. It's part of the design, I think. I mean, the sheer desperation that a woman encounters in those last days of her pregnancy where she feels that she will do whatever is necessary to meet her baby is so helpful during childbirth.

Can I just say that I am at that point? Or at least I think that I am. I may not be. Obviously, God is sovereign and He deems when and where and all of the in between details... for His glory and for my good.

I have been really crying out to Him the last three or four days to bring me into labor. I know that He is able. But He may be after something else in me. He may want for me to trust Him in the details. In fact, I am sure of that.

Would you mind lifting me up in prayer? That I would submit to His will for my life... even in the not-knowing stage right now.

Our life in photos (recently and then some I forgot to post from the summer)

2010-09-04T09:17:00.000-05:00

Caleb. He's getting ready to wrestle with Dad on Mom and Dad's bed...

Brian hiked the AT for two weeks. He sent me flowers while he was away. I forgot to post photos of them. Aren't they beautiful? =)

To celebrate being married for four years (back in July), Brian bought us these chairs! Please excuse me in my jammies and being seven months pregnant in this photo...


Here is my studly husband in his jammies opening anniversary gifts from me.

Open Theism vs. Savoring Jesus

2010-09-03T15:32:00.000-05:00

My heart has been instructed today concerning a mere smidgen of the idea behind God using pain and suffering in this life. I am reading Life As A Vapor (as I have been rather obnoxiously mentioning these days) and today's portion was entitled: How Open Theism Helps Us Conceal Our Hidden Idolatries. Scandalous, I know. Read on.

Bad theology hurts people and dishonors God. Open Theism is bad theology. It is a newer movement that says, "God can't foreknow the good or bad decisions of the people He creates until He creates these people and they, in turn, create their decisions" (Greg Boyd, Letters from a Skeptic). In other words, God's foreknowledge is limited--massively limited.

Open Theism may help conceal deep idolatry in the soul. One of the great needs of our souls is to know if we treasure anything on earth more than we treasure Christ. Treasuring anyone or anything more than Christ is idolatry. Paul said in Colossians 3:5, "Put to death therefore what is earthly in you...covetousness, which is idolatry." If covetousness is idolatry, then desiring earthly things more than we desire God is idolatry. That means we must be more satisfied in Christ and His wisdom than we are in all our relationships and accomplishments and possessions on earth.

Now how does Open Theism help us conceal from ourselves the idolatries in our souls? It ascribes ultimate causality for many calamities and evils to Satan or the autonomous will of man, not finally to the all-disposing counsel and wisdom of God above and behind Satan.

He writes further:

Open Theism discourages us from asking what sanctifying purpose God may have in ordaining that our misery may come about. But in reality our pain and losses are always a test of how much we treasure the all-wise, all-governing God in comparison to what we have lost. We see this merciful testing of God throughout the Scriptures. For example, in Deuteronomy 8:3 Moses said, "And [God] humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man does not live by bread alone,, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD." In other words, God ordains the hard times ("He...let you hunger") to see if we have made a god out of our good times. Do we love bread or do we love God? Do we treasure God and trust His good purposes in pain, or do we love His gifts more and get angry when He takes them away?

Okay, so good, right?
VERY challenging. No one escapes hardship in this life...and for a reason! God is drawing us to Himself! To taste and see that He is good (Psalm 34:8)...better than anything else on this earth. Better than marriage, better than children, better than money, better than health. Better. He is so good to reveal our hearts concerning idolatry because then we can repent (because of His grace and mercy) and know Him more fully. And be changed.

The Fall

2010-08-26T08:38:00.000-05:00

No, not THE fall (as in the fall of man), but the fall (the season).

I love the fall.
I was in Bath & Body Works yesterday after my appointment with the midwife and I happened upon the new "fall scents" being promoted there. There is this WONDERFUL smelling fragrance called Carmel Apple. As soon as I popped the lid on the bottle of hand soap, I was reminded that though this crazy heat is present at current, soon fall will be among us.... Are you resisting the urge to shout, "hallelujah" ? Don't resist. Do it! =)

When I think about that fall smell that God sends (yes, it's from Him), I just get so pumped. I l-o-v-e that smell. And fall is my favorite season, I think, for that reason.

37

2010-08-25T19:18:00.000-05:00

I'm thirty-seven weeks pregnant. Thirty-seven weeks and one day, to be exact. That one day means something to mean and don't you forget it. =)

I had a midwife appointment today with my fabulous midwife, Jenny. I was really hoping that she was going to check me today to see if my cervix has dilated at all thus far. Unfortunately (for me), she didn't. She said that she didn't want to check me too early because she feared that if I wasn't dilated at all yet, I might become discouraged. She's right. She knows me. We've spent some time together in the last twenty-four months. I am glad that she is looking out for my good, rather than catering to my own preferences.

Please pray for me...that I would submit to the Lord's will and timing for my life concerning this pregnancy and the laboring and delivery of the Womb-Dweller.

A coronary Christian

2010-08-24T11:29:00.000-05:00

I told you already that I am reading through Dr. Piper's book called Life As A Vapor, which is a book with 31 different meditations. So good. I highly recommend it to you.

Today's meditation was on being a coronary Christian versus an adrenal one. Piper writes of William Wilberforce (someone whom he considered a coronary Christian),

"He saw that adrenal spurts would ever prevail: "I daily become more sensible that my work must be affected by constant and regular exertions rather than by sudden and violent ones" (Polluck, 116). '

This quote describes a coronary believer...someone who consistently and regularly seeks after the Lord. This road of faith in Christ is a marathon and not a sprint. Isn't that true?

I needed the reminder today.
Praise God for His goodness...

Forgive: Everywhere I look

2010-08-18T18:36:00.000-05:00

Well, I missed the last ladies' meeting at Redeemer where they discussed chapters one and two from the book Choosing Forgiveness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. BUT I have been reading the book and have been confronted by the concept of forgiveness and the necessity to pursue it.

I talked with a friend earlier in the week about the book itself... The book isn't really very profound, meaning it doesn't really explain away deep doctrinal concepts of old. BUT I think why the book has been so impactful in my life is because I desperately need to forgive... And I think that the Lord is using anything and everything in my life (every resource I pick up or listen to) to point me in that direction.

Take for instance Life As A Vapor, a 31-day book of daily meditations by John Piper. This was today's reading:

Kill Your Anger Before It Kills You or Your Marriage

1. Ponder the right of Christ to be angry, but how He endured the cross an an example of long-suffering. 1 Peter 2:21

2. Ponder how much you have been forgive and how much mercy you have been shown. Ephesians 4:32

3.Ponder your own sinfulness and take the beam out of your own eye. Matthew 7:3-5

4. Ponder how harbored anger gives place to the devil. Ephesians 4:26-27

5. Ponder the folly of your own self-immolation, that is the numerous detrimental effects of anger to the one who is angry--some spiritual, some mental, some physical, and some relations. Proverbs 3: 7-8

6. Confess the sin of anger to some trusted friend, and if possible, to the offender. James 5:16

7. Let your anger be the key to unlock the dungeons of pride and self-pity in your heart and replace them with love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

8. Remember that God is going to work all your frustrating circumstances for your good as you trust in His future grace. Romans 8:28 and James 1:2-4

9. Remember that God will vindicate your just cause and settle all accounts better than you could. Romans 12:19 and 1 Peter 2:23

Really, as my friend pointed out to me earlier this week, unforgiveness is rooted in the inability to see one's own sinfulness as having been forgiven and to in turn (naturally, or rather supernaturally, actually) forgive.

Thoughts to ponder.

Two issues.

2010-08-13T14:40:00.000-05:00

I've been reading Disciplined for Life, as I have told you before, with Brian and the rest of Redeemer Church. It has been extremely helpful in pointing out areas of my heart and life that I have been wrestling with for a while.

One is the issue of self-righteousness and how favor from God is actually obtained. I listened to a sermon this morning from a wise man named Jerry Bridges. Mr. Bridges is an 80-year old author and teacher whom I have come to greatly respect. I have read only one of his books (The Pursuit of Holiness), but I hope to acquire several other titles in the weeks and months to come (especially The Discipline of Grace because it is specifically mentioned in Disciplined for Life). In the sermon, Mr. Bridges addresses the issue of self-righteousness and how it is completely opposed to the gospel. He considers three different Pharisees and the dangers of self-righteousness in Luke 18:1,9.

To trust in yourself that you are righteous is one thing. But self-righteousness (I've learned) usually doesn't stay inside those neat (read: ugly) lines. Self-righteousness also tends to hold others in contempt. It is much like a virus... it can be completely debilitating and could be fatal. We should view it that way all of the time.

Self-righteousness can lie dormant in our lives and return at any time, even as a believer. I found that to be true and was confronted with the fact that I MUST rely on Christ for favor from God, as favor with God can come by no other way. It's such a privilege to have had my eyes open to this fact and to this sin in my life. I won't go into all of the ways that self-righteousness has manifested itself in my life, but I will tell you that me relying on my own ability to be right before God has caused considerable damage in my relationship with God as well as in my relationship with people.

I hate to move on from this part of the conversation so quickly because, let's face it: I could talk about my utter depravity for a while. However, I do want to move on to another issue that Disciplined for Life talks about because it's something that is related (at least in my life) to self-righteousness. I am really excited that God is using almost all of the books that I am reading and sermons that I am listening to currently to point out these areas of sin in my life.

Prayerlessness.

Yep. It's hard for me to consistently spend time with God and pray. I don't know exactly why it is, but I do know (after listening to an unexpected sermon yesterday called Jesus Heals a Demonized Boy by Mark Driscoll, pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle) that the reason that prayerlessness exists is often rooted in unbelief, which is a sin. Driscoll admonishes his congregation (and me, as an iTunes podcaster) to repent of this sin of unbelief.

Matt Chandler, pastor of The Village Church in Dallas, also addresses prayer in his latest sermon entitled Devotion to Prayer. His sermon is very helpful on many different levels and in many areas. If you're having trouble understanding the sovereignty of God and prayer, I recommend this sermon. But within the sermon, he said something about how if you struggle getting before the Lord in prayer, you may have a misunderstanding about your need for Christ.

Last night, I was so overwhelmed by my own prayerlessness and I asked God to make me a woman of prayer. I desperately need Him. I also need to be made more aware (daily) of my need of Him.

Lots of things going on in this heart and head of mine. Praise Christ for His grace and mercy in bringing these things to light.

Update

2010-07-30T12:02:00.000-05:00

A lot is going on these days, but it can't be described within the context of 'a lot' as it relates to 'stressful' or 'busy.' It's one of those rare seasons where the time is pregnant with many thoughts and lots of playing, but not a whole lot of going here or there. It's nice. I am soaking in each moment because I know that this season will be short-lived. Brian starts back to school on the 16th of August. The baby is to arrive sometime in September (I try not to hold tightly to a due date because I don't want to watch it come and go and be disappointed).

The women at Redeemer are going to be reading the book Choosing Forgiveness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss together. I read the book three years ago and am looking forward to reading again, and this time with a different lens...one that has been made more aware of how much I have been forgiven by Christ.

Forgiveness is not a seasonal issue in my life. I don't know about you, but I find myself constantly needing to be forgiven (not for salvation, but because even though I have been made alive by Christ, I still sin against other people and ultimately, against God) and to forgive others. Forgiveness is hard. To be frank, I don't like it. It's hard. But God's Word is very clear about this issue:

"See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it become defiled..." Hebrews 12:15 ESV

We aren't supposed to withhold the grace of God from others... It isn't an option for us as followers of Christ.

"In Him we have the redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace..." Ephesians 1:7 ESV

"He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." Colossians 1:13-14

I need to beg God to cultivate the attitude that will choose to forgive others when they have sinned against me... This should come more easily than it does. I have been forgiven by Christ and so therefore, forgiveness should be my response to those who may wrong me in this life.

It's going to be a ride...
Stay tuned for updates about this topic. As I learn, I will share. =)

God's Blessings...

2010-07-17T11:44:00.000-05:00

Brian is finally back from an adventurous eleven days on the trail... I am so thrilled to see his face each morning, but am so glad that he had the chance to get away and hike for a time.

I am enjoying listening to all of his stories about animals that he, Pops, and Mark (my brother) saw while hiking. Also, I have thoroughly enjoyed hearing about the people that they met including: Buck 20, Zeus, the eight year old boy whose trail name escapes me, and others.

In other news, Caleb slept until 10 A.M. today. Can you believe it? Brian and I also slept until then... which neither of us had done in years (YEARS, people!). I don't know what's gotten into our little man, but I sure needed the extra rest. Thanks be to God from whom ALL blessings come.

I am reading The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert Sears in order to be informed about vaccinations that are being suggested/required from the medical community for children. I would love to know your opinion about vaccines... leave a comment in the appropriate section.

AT Update and What I've Been Doing...

2010-07-13T10:08:00.000-05:00

Well, here it is.... Day NINE away from my wonderful husband. He's section hiking part of the Appalachian Trail in Virginia. He and his dad have section-hiked from Springer Mountain (just outside of Helen, GA) all the way to Waynesboro, VA (that's where they were last night). I was afforded the chance to go with them three summers ago and my! it was an adventure. I was really bummed that I wouldn't be picking up with the trail this summer with them, but let's face it: a 30-week pregnant lady with a 14 month old really wouldn't be much fun to bring on the AT. Maybe next summer...

My brother and Sean (another guy from our church) went along with Brian and Pops this year. Unfortunately, Sean came home early. BUT I did steal these pictures from him to show you a bit of the trip thus far...

Yeah, those last two are of Brian jumping off some bridge that was along the AT. My crazy, adventure-seeking husband... Sigh.

In other news, my Aunt and my Grandparents came to visit from North Alabama this past Thursday through Sunday. I am so glad that they made the trek. Caleb and I both had a lot of fun with them. The little guy is quite the social butterfly. He had been in this stage where he wasn't to keen on hanging around people he wasn't 100% familiar with (which meant that his social calendar was packed with either me or Brian). But I was graciously surprised to find that he is out of that phase and in one that is much more enjoyable.

Anniversary

2010-07-03T17:41:00.000-05:00

There's a lot going on in the Caldwell household, but I have no creative juices to cleverly write about it all... Sorry.

Caleb is walking. Yep. He's strutting his stuff regularly now from two limbs instead of four. I am a happy Mama, I tell ya. He's so cute.

Brian and I celebrated our four year wedding anniversary on the 1st of July. We celebrated on the 2nd by going on an overnight date. It was our first time away from Caleb. Mom and Bethany graciously stayed the night at our house with the little guy. I think that they all three thoroughly enjoyed it. When I walked through the door this afternoon, he was laughing and carrying on with the two of them. I think he's realized that they are fun to be around... probably more fun than Mom and Dad. =)

Brian took me to Sake Cafe for sushi last night. When we got there, a lady asked me when I was expecting. When I told her "not until September," she repiled, "Twins, right?" Ha! No. (Sad face) When we were seated, our waitress told me that I looked like I was about to pop. "Thanks" I thought. Just what any woman longs to hear...

I contemplated not eating dinner after that comment, but decided promptly against it. Brian assures me that it the reason that I received the comments was for two basic reasons: One-- I am all baby and have total chicken legs. Two-- The dress that I was wearing. No, I am not posting a picture. :)

We got the Fish Tempura, Shrimp Tempura, and Spicy Salmon Roll. Yummy! Then we headed to check in to the Hilton Garden Inn here in Pensacola. When we checked in, the lady at the desk asked me to back up because she wanted to throw in a guess for the gender of the baby. "Great," I thought. She guessed that it was a girl and was waiting for me to tell her that she was right. When I told her that we won't know the gender until he/she arrives, she smiled smugly and told me that she is usually right about those things. I suspect that she just thinks that I am big all over and that is a lame sign that some people use to disgtinguish between a girl and a boy. Whatever. Not bitter. (Yeah right!)

The Hilton is brand new and super nice. We felt like we were out of town... We enjoyed getting into our pjs and watching television (since we don't have one at home). We later headed to Publix to get some Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Then we came back to the hotel and watched some of the World Cup and fell asleep around 10:30PM.

Okay, I told myself that I was sleeping in. I haven't slept in since way before Caleb was born. That's over a year, people. I had no little guy to wake me up at 7AM and by-golly, I was going to take advantage of it. Wrong.

I looked at the clock and to my dismay it was 7:14AM. I looked over and Brian was wide awake. "What's wrong with us?" I asked. We got dressed and headed to the workout room. We had a nice, long workout which got us thinking that we should probably replenish all of the calories that we burned off by eating at Village Inn. So we did.

After our nice breakfast, we headed home to our boy.
I don't even think he missed us.

Sigh, it was a wonderful time away.
I am so glad that God gave me to Brian.

Norma's Champagne Chicken Salad

2010-06-28T10:29:00.000-05:00

I love Norma's.
Have you been to Norma's?
Sheesh, you HAVE to go if you haven't been.

You can go to Norma's Cafe in Dillard's, to Norma's on the Run right off of Palafox, near Rock Hard Jewelry, or to The Lee House Bed & Breakfast on Bayfront Parkway. When you go, you probably will want to try everything BUT may I recommend the chicken salad with a side of poppyseed bread? Yum!

Here's a recipe that may help you achieve one of the chicken salad recipes if you're stuck at home and can't go to Norma's:

Champagne Chicken Salad

Ingredients:

2 cups chicken, shredded

.5 cup sour cream

3 eggs, boiled and diced

.25 red bell pepper, chopped

.25 cup onion, chopped

handful dried cranberries

.5 cup mayonnaise or miracle whip

.25 cup white wine (a sweet Riesling is preferred)

.25 teaspoon salt

.25 teaspoon black pepper

.25 teaspoon garlic powder

.25 teaspoon dill

.5 teaspoon brown sugar

.25 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Place salt, pepper, garlic powder, dill, brown sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl. Set aside. In large bowl add chicken, sour cream, eggs, bell pepper, onion and cranberries. Stir until mixed. Add mayonnaise and stir again until all ingredients are mixed together. Pour wine over the mixture. Add all dry ingredients from the small bowl. Stir thoroughly. Place in the refrigerator for at least one hour before serving.

Love one another?

2010-06-27T21:11:00.000-05:00

I love people.
I do. I don't know how or why... and I am not one of those who have to really gear up for hanging out with folks. It's my natural tendancy to want to be around people. I am an extrovert-- and all that comes with being of that personality.

However, lately, there have been several instances where I have desperately desired to retreat away from certain people. Actually, what I want to do is proclaim to the person(s) that they are both annoying and arrogant and THEN retreat. And that isn't love. I know. It's self-serving. It's self-serving because I am not wanting to speak the truth in love... I am only wanting to ~~speak the truth~~ tell them off. Just me?

It's hard to love people. I used to not think so. I remember a time in my life where I didn't really have a hard time loving people, even *those* kinds of people who are generally categorized as "difficult to love." I think that I probably was just in a season where I was choosing who I would be around and therefore, was so well-insulated that I didn't rub up anyone who didn't think like I did or act similiarly. Who can know? All I know is that THAT season is no longer present and I am now found at the place where I desperately need Jesus to show me how to love others.

People (and I am including myself in "people") are difficult to love. Messy even. And I think that Christ knows this. That's why He tells us to "love one another..." right? Because, I mean, why give us that mandate if it bubbles over naturally in our hearts? It doesn't come naturally. We need to be reminded. I need to be reminded. Constantly. Even my awesome husband and fabulous son irritate me at times and I must lean on the fact that I have been commanded to respect and love these people. Is this just me or do you relate?

So how am I to practically live out this love mandate? I would l-o-v-e some advice. =)

What's for dinner?

2010-06-23T18:52:00.000-05:00

Lady Bug Pizzas

Ingredients

4 English muffins, split and toasted lightly

1 to 2 tablespoons store-bought pesto

1 cup mozzarella cheese, shredded

1 to 2 vine-ripe tomatoes, sliced about 1/4-inch thick

1/4 cup black olives, chopped

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Spread the pesto evenly on all 8 halves of the lightly toasted English muffins. Top with equal amounts of shredded mozzarella cheese, a slice of tomato and some chopped olives.

Lately.

2010-06-23T13:22:00.000-05:00

Well, we've been swimming and playing in the sprinkler lately. It's so hot that it's pretty much unbearable to be outside without some sort of water to jump in and out of. =)

Oh! And I found a before picture of my furniture... Get a load of this:

Random...

2010-06-21T10:24:00.000-05:00

This is a very ROUGH picture of one of the pieces of furniture that I just painted. I should have taken a before picture because only then would you really be able to appreciate this change. I haven't picked out my new handles for the drawers yet. I need to do that soon so that I can fully close my drawers. Forgive the mess!

Halie is home right now for a bit this summer. She is growing so! It's neat and really sad all at once. Does that even make sense? I came into the picture when Halie was eleven and she's almost sixteen... What a crucial stage, especially for a girl. Anyway, I am noticing how she is not really wanting to hang out with Brian and I lately and I am (honestly) bothered by it. Studying the teenager phase is much different from this perspective. It wasn't THAT long ago that I was there...but man! sometimes it seems like lightyears away. I am desperate for God to equip me to know how to dilligently train my children so that when they enter the teenage years, they are able to make God-honoring decisions. Any advice on how to do that in practical ways is always welcome!

Brian is gearing up for a two-week hiking trip along the Appalachian Trail. I am thrilled to death for him! God was gracious enough to let me accompany Brian (and his Dad, brother, and some friends) three summers ago. It was a blast! While he is away, my Aunt Sue and Grandmama are coming to visit. I am so excited! I can't wait! Caleb and I are going to have a ball...

Oh, last Saturday, I picked blueberries with Amanda and Jacob and their children. We went to a farm in Molino. I picked six and three-fourth pounds of blueberries and paid $6.75! A pint of blueberries right now (on sale, mind you) at Publx is $1.50. It was so fun and I feel so accomplished. =)

Well, this has been sort of a random post. I apologize.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T... is it in you?

2010-06-15T09:00:00.000-05:00

Those pictures that I promised ARE coming soon...but not right now. Sorry.

I am writing to express my irritation with the people who have been expressing irritation over the President's visit to our area. I will be honest: I didn't vote for President Obama. (I actually voted for Ron Paul-- he's more in line with my political tastes, but that's another post.) But it really irks me when I hear people (especially Christian people--c'mon!) referring to the President in less than respectful ways (calling him by his first name, or even not using the title "President" before referring to him). Because of his position in our government AND (if you need to be reminded of this) because he is a fellow human being, he requires our respect.

I love it when I hear someone respectfully disagree. It happens so few times throughout the day (listening to talk radio, reading blogs, reading news feeds, in conversation) that I simply light up inside when I hear someone disagree with something that was said by another person, but in a way that doesn't attack or tear down. Listen out for people who can respectfully disagree-- they are worth being around! I learn so much from these kinds of people, even if I don't particularly agree with their point of view.

Yesterday and today, roads will be closed. People will have to take alternate routes or reschedule plans. But, in the light of the fact that our city gets to host the President of our nation (the man that God sovereignly placed in that position, knowing that President Obama would serve God's purposes---whether President Obama knows it or not), our attitude should be that of humility and honor; Not grumbling and complaining about having to be rerouted or rescheuled.

I am certain that everyone has his/her own opinion about politics, about the oil, about most every topic of conversation in this life.... But I also know that if you can't express those opinions in a humble and respectful way, you really damage your credibility in being able to be truly heard. I despise know-it-all's (and I struggle with that attitude!). If you have something to say, great! Say it. But don't be arrogant. It completely discounts your message, to a large degree (in my opinion).

Okay, ::climbing down from the soapbox::

Lately

2010-06-14T09:05:00.000-05:00

I desperately want to update this blog regularly... I just don't always have the time to sit and write out the thoughts that are bobbing around in this head of mine. So, I guess all my readers (all TWO of them, probably) will just wait to be gracious with me and my random posting habits.

What's going on with me?

Well, I am twenty-six weeks pregnant and I already feel like a big whale. A happy whale, though, so that's something to celebrate. I have been trying to do some at home projects to prepare for the addition to our family. I just have a hunch that my life is going to be quite a bit more busy once Caldwell baby #2 arrives.

So far, I have:

purchased a new, but smaller crib for Caleb's room. Womb Dweller #2 and Caleb will be sharing a room. The room is nice, but small, so I had to sell Caleb's big, luxurious crib and changing table for something nice, but smaller. I like the crib a LOT. It's from IKEA, but I bought it used from Craig's List for $75.
As mentioned above, I sold Caleb's crib and changing table on Craig's List for $200. This was a big accomplishment for me because I don't like to buy things unless I sell something that I am no longer using. I guess it's kind of a personal stewardship code that I like to abide by... Plus it keeps my house less cluttered.
I painted all six pieces of our ANTIQUE/old/ew bedroom furniture. It was a yellow-cream color and now it is a beautiful coffee bean shade. =) Pictures soon!
I have also begun to decorate the house. I am addicted (yes, it's bad) to Hobby Lobby. I probably visit twice a week. Can you believe it? I just can't get enough of the 50-60% off sale that is ALWAYS going on there. Seriously. Love that place!

Caleb update:

Caleb is on the verge of walking. Brian and I are certain that he gets up at night and makes laps around the house, but then when the daylight breaks, he pretends that he doesn't know what we're talking about when we ask him to walk to us. He is walking behind several of his little push-behind toys. I am really not in that big of a hurry for him to walk. I guess I figure that he will walk when he wants to. I have enough mommy-friends who have told me that my life will change BIG time when he starts walking. Brian on the other hand would like for me to begin summer workouts with Caleb to get him walking right now. I am postponing those workouts for the day when/if he is four years old and still not walking.

Alright, well I am off to do some Monday morning laundry.
I will post pictures sometime this week of all of our recent adventures. =) I know you're waiting by the screen...

The Gnat Issue

2010-05-19T08:50:00.000-05:00

After our big party this weekend, we noticed that we had a few uninvited visitors staying behind. Have you ever had a gnat problem? If you haven't, I'd say you haven't really experienced this thing we call life. These are perhaps some of the most annoying creatures. They remind me that we live in a fallen world. Yes, God is making all things new and restoring the creation, but I don't think that He has restored these creatures yet.

Eeeewww! I hate them.

I practically had a meltdown last night in the kitchen because I am just THAT sick of having them in my home. After Brian gave me the "you've-really-lost-your-mind" look, I snapped out of it. He made me some new apple-cider vinegar funnel-traps and I calmed down significantly.

You see, I sort of pride myself on trying to keep things clean. Alright, I will be honest: I am a clean freak. I wipe down my entire kitchen every day, after every meal, with bleach or a Febreze/Mr. Clean mixture. It's just a part of who I am. Laugh if you want... It's more of an outlet for me than anything else. I just like things neat and clean.

So WHY do I have gnats?

This ordeal has made me realize my own depravity in that I think that I should not be the one that has this issue because of the things that I do to prevent it. I am banking on my own works. I know that this may be a stretch, but the "Gnat Issue" has made me see that I am counting on my own righteousness in a lot of areas in my life. I should realize that it is because of God's grace that I am not overrun by the crumminess of sin. I think that even the fact that the gnats are leaving can be attributed to God's grace in my life. Crazy? Maybe. But this whole thing (especially last night's episode) has really caused me to think.

Caleb's First Birthday Party!

2010-05-19T08:32:00.000-05:00

So, we had a party for the little guy this past weekend. It was insane... I can only hope that my friends are still "my friends" after the chaos. Hopefully everyone was comfortable and full. I had fun seeing my little boy open up his gifts and dive into his Cookie Monster cupcake (yes, I forgot to take a picture. Mother of Year right here!) Who knows if I will ever be that brave again (to have a party with 30+ people here in our tiny house), but I know that I will remember this one!

(Above: Caleb opening the Fisher Price Lion and Uncle Matt and Katie got for him. Thanks!)

(Caleb opening up another gift.)

(Above: Caleb holding his toy mase for the first time. He's a gladiator in training.)

(Above: Giving his scooter a test drive. Thanks Granpa, Granda, Aunt Bethany and Uncle Mark!)

(Caleb and a big blue bow from the scooter wrapping.)

(Standing with Dad before opening yet another present.)

Happy Birthday, Caleb!

2010-05-12T12:01:00.000-05:00

You're one!

(Thanks Grandmama, Grandaddy, Aunt Sue, and Uncle Chris for the new outfit!)

Before he dived into his cake...

Devouring the Cookie Monster cake...

Caleb playing with his new truck with Popsie.

Isaiah 61:1

2010-04-26T12:05:00.002-05:00

Brian and I watched Robin Hood the other night. You know, the one with Kevin Costner and Morgan Freeman? I had actually never seen it until the other night, but apparently it was very popular in the early '90s.

One of the first scenes takes place on the inside of the Sheriff of Nottingham's prison. Robin of Loxley breaks free from the prison guards and starts setting people free. But he can't set everyone free... there's so little time before reinforcements come and take control of the ruckus that Robin has caused. And so there are many men who only watch Robin set others free, knowing all the while that they will remain there in the prison.

I could barely watch the rest of the movie because this thought kept racing through my mind:

Jesus Christ has come to set ALL of His people free. There are absolutely NO time restraints that get in His way. He does not fear the enemy's "reinforcements" (in fact, He uses the enemy as part of His grand scheme of setting us free).

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound. Isaiah 61:1, ESV

Isn't that great news?
That He has come to bring us Himself and that He sets us free from bondage. And nothing stops Him from getting to us? Nothing. NO THING.

I am completely overwhelmed by this fact this morning.

Alive Again

2010-04-26T12:05:00.001-05:00

To post or not to post: I should have asked that question...

2010-04-23T13:10:00.000-05:00

I truly have three different blog posts bouncing about in this head of mine. I am hesistant to allow any of them out of my head and onto this blog. But, alas, one has escaped:

I have heard it articulated in Christian circles that the role of women was exclusively given to tasks of child-rearing, sewing, cooking, and cleaning: all good and domestic things that must be done. But there was little to no talk about women being afforded the opportunity to know and love God through His Word. It really irked me, let me just simply say.

I know that the roles of men and women are different, as per Scripture. But one thing that I also know is that there is no distinction when it comes to being in Christ and sharing in the benefits of being His.

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28 (ESV)

I'm so glad that God calls women also. I am thrilled that my husband is the spirtiual leader/head of me and my home, but I am even more thrilled that God also invites me to sit at His feet and learn, and know, and believe. God doesn't seem to leave true spirituality to the men. He lets us in too. Praise His Name!

I will just be honest (probably something that isn't safe here via blog, but...I'm going for it): if it were not for my own personal (yep, I said it) relationship with God through Christ, I would have an even more difficult time carrying out the duties of a wife and mother as well as the many other things that I am called to do. But because of Christ and the Holy Spirit inside of me, I am (only because of Christ and His work in me) able to carry out the commands of Christ. He does it in me. Again, the emphasis is NOT on me doing the work, but on CHRIST in me doing the work.

Anyway, girls, we can know and believe Him through His Word and through the Holy Spirit of God, guiding our hearts and mind. Isn't that just amazing?

So stoked to be a daughter of the King.

First trip to the beach and first car... all in the same week!

2010-04-19T09:21:00.000-05:00

Caleb and I went to the beach three times last week. It was so beautiful... and we both really enjoyed it! Here's a photo of Caleb's first real visit to the beach:

Last night was Caleb's first experience driving this little beauty:

I am reading Noel Piper's Treasuring God in Our Traditions and let me just say that I have been thoroughly encouraged by this woman's ideas on teaching our children to love and treasure Christ from an early age. I am so excited to begin doing things like family devotions and teaching Caleb about world missions and about loving other people in real and tangible ways. I am sure that I will have excerpts to share with you soon. Right now, though, I am just enjoying reading and underlining for myself. ;)

Cupcakes and Birth

2010-04-13T09:32:00.000-05:00

Hey bloggers! I know it's been a while since you have read a new post from me. Trust me, there have been numerous almost blog posts in the last month, but none have made it to be published. The reason for that is that sometimes I find myself being a bit to honest...blunt is a more suitable word... and I fear offending a reader, though I highly doubt at times that anyone even reads these simple and silly ramblings. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I am still alive and well and reading YOUR blogs even though there is nothing new posted on mine.

I am 17 weeks pregnant today with our second child. We are waiting to find out the gender (again!) and I am so stoked for some day in late September when we will get to meet this little person. It's crazy how quickly the time has passed since we had Caleb. He turned eleven months old on Sunday. I am gearing up for his first birthday... I am making Cookie Monster cupcakes.

What do you think?

I am debating some pretty hefty issues right now... and I am not entirely sure that I am qualified to make such weighty decisions. I am referring to the decision about whether to have a natural VBAC (vaginal birth after ceasarean) or to have another ceasarean. Everything in me wants to go with the VBAC, but I know that there is risk of uterine rupture. I know that it is such a small/low percentage, but still, I don't know how I feel about entering into that risk. But birth is risky business (for us...in our humanness, but not for God). HOWEVER, I have been doing LOTS of research and I am learning about how, since the 1970s, it has been documented that there are more instances of fatalities with repeat c-sections than that of VBACs. This has to do largely with the fact that the type of incisions that are made with first-time c-sections is now the low transverse and not a vertical incision. The low transverse is not likely to rupture with contractions and labor. The fact that a VBAC is more healthy for mother and baby is something that is really weighing on my mind and putting me in the VBAC camp. But, I am open to hearing informed opinions on this topic, so feel free to enlighten me.

Alright, off to reorganize my closet.

More Caleb

2010-03-16T20:32:00.000-05:00

Caleb, 10 Months Old

2010-03-16T09:28:00.000-05:00

Caleb and Brian have been sitting outside together in the afternoons. Brian is teaching him how to identify a good-looking stick. ::Sigh:: I love those two so dearly.

D.A Carson on the impassibility of God

2010-03-11T17:54:00.000-06:00

It is no answer to espouse a form of impassibility that denies that God has an emotional life and that insists that all of the biblical evidence to the contrary is nothing more than anthropopathism. The price is too heavy. You may then rest in God’s sovereignty, but you can no longer rejoice in his love. You may rejoice only in linguistic expression that is an accommodation of some reality of which we cannot conceive, couched in the anthropopathism of love. Give me a break. Paul did not pray that his readers might be able to grasp the height and depth and length and breadth of an anthropopathism and know this anthropopathism that surpasses knowledge. ( Eph. 3.14-21) D. A. Carson The Difficult Doctrine of the Love of God

Because someone asked:

2010-03-11T12:38:00.000-06:00

Reformed Theology/Calvinism/Doctrines of Grace

(as definied by John Piper, desiringgod.org)

Total Depravity: Our sinful corruption is so deep and so strong as to make us slaves of sin and morally unable to overcome our own rebellion and blindness. This inability to save ourselves from ourselves is total. We are utterly dependent on God’s grace to overcome our rebellion, give us eyes to see, and effectively draw us to the Savior.

We were dead in our trespasses. (Ephesians 2:5)

The mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. (Romans 8:7-8)

The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. (1 Corinthians 2:14)

Unconditional Election: God’s election is an unconditional act of free grace that was given through his Son Jesus before the world began. By this act, God chose, before the foundation of the world, those who would be delivered from bondage to sin and brought to repentance and saving faith in Jesus.

He chose us in him before the foundation of the world” (Ephesians 1:4).

As many as were appointed to eternal life believed. (Acts 13:48)

"I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy. (Romans 9:15-16)
God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise. (1 Corinthians 1:27)
Israel failed to obtain what it was seeking. The elect obtained it, but the rest were hardened. (Romans 11:7; cf. 9:11-12; John 6:37)

My servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe me. (Isaiah 43:10)

Limited Atonement: The atonement of Christ is sufficient for all humans and effective for those who trust him. The full, saving effectiveness of the atonement that Jesus accomplished is limited to those for whom that saving effect was prepared. The availability of the total sufficiency of the atonement is for all people. Whosoever will—whoever believes—will be covered by the blood of Christ. And there is a divine design in the death of Christ to accomplish the promises of the new covenant for the chosen bride of Christ. Thus Christ died for all, but not for all in the same way.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16; cf. Revelation 22:17).

This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood. (Luke 22:20)

Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:25)

I lay down my life for the sheep. (John 10:15)

I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world but for those whom you have given me, for they are yours... And for their sake I consecrate myself [that is, prepare to die], that they also may be sanctified in truth. (John 17:9, 19)

He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? (Romans 8:32)

Irrestible Grace: This means that the resistance that all human beings exert against God every day (Romans 3:10-12; Acts 7:51) is wonderfully overcome at the proper time by God’s saving grace for undeserving rebels whom he chooses freely to save.

Even when we were dead in our trespasses, [God] made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved. (Ephesians 2:5)

No one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father. (John 6:65)

God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth. (2 Timothy 2:25)

Perserverance of the Saints: The belief that all who are justified will win the fight of faith. They will persevere in faith and never surrender to the enemy of their souls. This perseverance is the promise of the new covenant, obtained by the blood of Christ, and worked in us by God himself, yet not so as to diminish, but only to empower and encourage, our vigilance; so that we may say in the end, I have fought the good fight, but it was not I, but the grace of God which was with me.

Those whom he justified he also glorified. (Romans 8:30)

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. (John 10:27-28)

I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6)
I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. (Philippians 3:12)

Blankets for the Soul

2010-03-10T09:19:00.000-06:00

The summer of 2004, I lived in Reynosa, Mexico at Big Heart/Casa Hogar Corazon Grande (forgive the lack of properly accented words; I can't accent via blogger). While I was there, I met two girls that God used to demonstrate His loving-kindness towards me: Liz and Miriam.

Liz was my age. She was from Highland Village, TX (a suburb of Dallas) and in some similiar life situations as I was. Together, we served tons of people who were coming to assist the orphanage in reaching out to the local community. We worked our tails off! We were also in charge of cooking, cleaning, and helping out with the 20-30 kids who were living at the orphanage. It was a blast!

Miriam was a 24 year old Spanish teacher in Highland Village, TX also. She and Liz knew each other. In fact, they went to the same church. Miriam was the one who had encouraged Liz to spend some time at Big Heart. Miriam was a hoot! She was practically fluent in Spanish and really was able to bridge the communication barrier between the native speakers and silly American English-speakers. Fabulous girl.

We three became pretty close. We bunked together and stayed up many nights well past our bedtime talking about life, love and other mysteries. One night, we were outside lying on the trampoline looking up at the purple sky. There was a lull in the conversation and I piped in, " I know that I shouldn't be, but I am really struggling with apathy." I don't know where it came from. I wasn't consciously planning to spill my guts to these girls. But I did. And they were so very gracious to me. They talked to me about what I was thinking and feeling and tried to give me some wisdom and insight that was from God's Word. Liz told me that when I arrived back to the states, I should download a sermon series by Barry Keldie from The Village Church that talked about apathy. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who had struggled with this... Comforting. They shared some of Barry's sermon with me and I was encouraed.

When I arrived back home, I listened to the series and began the fight for joy. Praise Christ that He is faithful and meets our needs by giving us Himself. I still go back to that sermon series in my head from time to time. Thank the Lord for Liz and Miriam who were able to steer me towards some Christ-centered resources.

As I would later learn, Matt Chandler was the lead pastor/teaching pastor at this small church. I really was challenged by his no-nonsense presentation of the Gospel. He wasn't trying to "win friends" or coax someone into following Christ. He was just being a faithful steward of the text and trusting God to draw those who were His own.

That was almot six years ago. The Village Church now runs about 5,000 people spread across several different campuses. They were not trying to grow a big church, but their way of teaching about Christ is contagious and God has drawn people to Himself while using TVC.

I tell you all of this so that you will have some background information for the following news:

This past Friday, Barry Keldie passed away. He is survived by his wife, Charity, and their two children, Will (3) and Layla (1). Barry had long suffered from insomnia and apparently had a reaction to some sleeping medication that he was prescribed taken with a Tylenol PM.

I know you probably don't know the Keldie's, but please pray that God would show Himself to be who He is in this situation: sovereign, mighty, and overflowing with mercy.

As Chandler has often said when referring to his own battle with brain cancer: the truth of God's sovereignty and the fact that nothing escapes His knowledge and will has served as a warm blanket to my soul.

Completely Done

2010-03-08T07:10:00.000-06:00

Last night was such an amazing and refreshing time... I cannot begin to tell you how I feel that I can finally breathe now after a while of holding my breath. Thank you, Jesus!

Here's some lyrics to a song that really embodied the thoughts of 1.) what's going on in my heart and 2.) the truth of the gospel for which I am constantly desperate. I thought you might enjoy them, too.

Completely Done

What reason have I to doubt
Why would I dwell in fear

When all I have known is grace

My future in Christ is clear

My sins have been paid in full

There’s no condemnation here

I live in the good of this

My Father has brought me near

I’m leaving my fears behind me now

Chorus

The old is gone, the new has come

What You complete is completely done

We’re heirs with Christ, the victory won

What You complete is completely done

I don’t know what lies ahead

What if I fail again

You are my confidence

You’ll keep me to the end

I’m leaving my fears behind me now

Sovereign Grace is really neat for oh so many , let me say. Right now, you can go to their website and download this song off of their website FOR FREE. =) It's from a newly release CD entitled Sons & Daughters.

This song really resonates with me right now... I hope you will download it and enjoy it!

Freedom

2010-03-03T07:40:00.000-06:00

The deepest awareness of myself is I am commended by God. I am accepted by God. I am justified by God. A daughter/son of God. It displaces all other definitions that I have been trying to achieve or by a definition that I am trying to lose.

Listen to J.R. Vassar's sermon from The Village Church entitled Freedom from the Fear of Man. Simply go to http://www.thevillagechurch.net/ and look under Latest Message/February 28th.

Ugh!

2010-03-01T13:16:00.000-06:00

I have mentioned in a previous post that I am reading Beth Moore's book So Long Insecurity. What I haven't mentioned yet is the fact that this book has such practical steps to really dealing with one's insecurity that I wish that she would have written it years ago (when I was say twelve?)...

Last night I read something that REALLY hit me between the eyes (because of a particular situation that I can't discuss at the moment). She writes:

I've watched an unsettling trend develop over the last decade, and I'm convinced that it is the result of this "early hypersexualization." * In the previous generations, the girls who were the most insecure and desperate and the least likely to set boundaries and practice self-respect were normally those with a background of sexual abuse or misuse. We were the ones who settled for so much less in our relationships, caved to pressure, felt like we always had to have a boyfriend, and acted like no was all but missing from our list of multiple-choice answered. Over recent years, a growing number of middle and high school girls who have never been inappropriately touched have taken on these same characteristics. After watching the disturbing trend too long to shake it, I finally realized that our whole Western world is under sexual assault. Whether or not a girl is physically touch in sexually inappropriate ways, the visual impact of early hypersexualization is still significant enough to dramatically shape her self-concept and sexuality.

Our world system is shouting no louder lie to its female population that this: To be desirable is to be valuable, and to be sensual is to be secure. These are the attributes that guarantee you will always be loved.

* A term used by author Cooper Lawrence in her book The Cult of Celebrity. She writes "It's not all in your head: There is a difference between celebrity media images girls see now and what you were exposed to as a child. Highly sexualized images of younger and younger women are becoming the norm."

Can I just say that I too have recognized this horrific trend and am sick to death of being assaulted? May I also say that I am growing more and more angry at the thought of what our daughters and grandaughters are having to guard against?

More on this later...

Goodbye, Thurmond's

2010-02-25T09:29:00.000-06:00

Last night, my girlfriends and I said goodbye to one of our dear friends, Rachel. No, she didn't pass away. She's moving.

Rachel is amazing. She is this super cute and petite mommy from Australia who loves Jesus and making Him known. She is married to John (not from Australia-- from Georgia) and they have two children: Isabelle and Josiah (pronounced: Jo-zi-uh).

Rachel is a worshipper of Jesus. She models worship in her daily life. Her love for Jesus is contagious. She is always willing to pray for us (or anyone!) and prays boldly in His Name. I love this about her. Before I had Caleb, a couple of girls came over to the house (with kiddos) to pray for my labor and delivery. Rachel prayed that I would trust Christ in every step of the process...and boy! did He ever grant that request! =)

John recently enlisted in the Navy and just wrapped up his OCS training and is now being transferred to Maryland. It's a really exciting time for the Thurmond family. But it's a really sad time for all of us because we love love LOVE these guys.

Last night, we had one last Girls' Night at Tracy's house. There were all kinds of yummy food and beautiful people there. After the chit-chatting and catching up with one another was coming to a lull, we all sat around and each were afforded the opportunity to tell Rachel how grateful we each are for her and how she had impacted our lives. It was a fabulous thing to do. (When I was at Abundant Grace in Gainseville, we used to do this a lot when it was someone's birthday. We called those times "pointing out evidences of God's grace.")

It was so awesome to hear each woman's perspective, having been affected by this Godly girl. So many things were said that I just cherish in my heart and pray that I am living in a way that reflects Jesus as Rachel is reflecting Him.

Many times, it was brought to the group's attention that we are so fortunate to have one another. In a culture where women are predominately jealous of one another (leading to petty chic behavior), we are so radically blessed to be able to love each other and have relationship with one another without all of the pretense. It really is super refreshing to be around these women. We can talk about silly things like our kids' poop (I'm serious!), crazy supper time stories, hair, makeup, etc. and also (inevitably) spiritual matters and our relationships with the Lord. Never once has there been a time in hanging out with these women that I don't leave more rich than when I arrived. It's insane.

I will miss Rachel very much. She is such a special tool of the Lord. I am praying that God uses she and her family mightily for His Name sake.

Lately... of Caleb

2010-02-18T11:56:00.000-06:00

What I am Reading

2010-02-17T11:37:00.001-06:00

I am currently reading So Long Insecurity: You've been a bad friend to us by Beth Moore. It is my eager expectation and hope to read through this book with a group of girls (read: ladies). For some reason, I really am able to see things more clearly when I am involved in dialogue with other folks and am able to grapple with conversations and ideas. I don't know if you're like that too, but if you are, PLEASE join me in the reading and discussion of this book. I have read half of it already and am planning on reading through it several more times throughout the next few months. It is full of God's Word and tangible prayers and application questions that I can't just gloss over once or twice. It's meaty and rich. And deep. There are several excerpts that I wanted to blog about today, but unfortunately, Caleb is acting like a crazy man during his nap time and it's not very quiet here at the Caldwell's today. So, another day, perhaps.

Cardboard Testimony

2010-02-09T14:13:00.000-06:00

Check out this cardboard testimony video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ

To Serve or Not to Serve: is that a good question?

2010-02-05T09:27:00.000-06:00

I have come to notice (and abhor) in the last year that people working in many service industries really don't give a hoot about serving people. There is something wrong with this. The top exceptions to this statement are found in the following companies:

Chick-Fil-A, especially the one on Nine Mile Road in Pensacola, FL
Publix Stores nationwide (I've been to Nine Mile, Ninth Avenue, Mobile Highway, Highway 90, and three different stores in Gainesville)
Starbuck's *

I have worked in several of the service industry-type jobs. I just can't imagine NOT being on my very best, friendly behavior while at work. I mean, while I was there, I was representing the company and not just my own preferences. There's an analogy in there somewhere. Another day.

Last night, I had to go to Walmart. I hate that place.

Brian and I watched a documentary on PBS Frontline a while back about Walmart and how poorly they operate when it comes to maintaining employee relationships as well as handling how they pay workers in foreign countries. The documentary made me want to go out of my way to NEVER shop there again. If Americans DON'T stop shopping there, Walmart will still continue to own the market for one-stop shopping and there will be little to no market competition.

Okay, so back to the story. Last night, I was at Walmart. Their produce is bad. There stores are not laid out that well. And the PEOPLE ARE NOT FRIENDLY. If you can't tell, that last statement really is important to me. After checking out, I was headed to my car to unload my items. I was busy unlocking my car when two Walmart employees approached me while talking to one another about how much they hate their jobs and about how if they didn't hire some other people to share the load of the work, then they were going to quit. Okay, rule #1: Don't talk about how much you loathe your job when you're there. Rule #2: Don't talk about how much you loathe your job WHEN THERE IS A PAYING CUSTOMER PRESENT. Um, hello? Is it just me or is that really bad for business. Not only were they bashing their jobs, but they failed to acknowledge me, yet stood by my car waiting for me to finish unloading my groceries. Did they offer to help? Nope. Did they say hello? Nope. Goodnight? Nope. They just whisked my cart away and went on complaining.

Then, I went to Blockbuster. Brain had a rough day at work and just wanted to relax. I got my movie and was waiting in line to pay for it. The line was really long. I waited for a while. But the thing was, the sales associate that was collecting money for the movies was super awesome at his job. He had this way of making everyone laugh and feel at home. He joked with all of us about waiting and was honestly going as fast as he could, while still providing a good service for each customer. Props to you, employee #1667; you made my night.

People want to be treated with honor, dignity, and respect...especially if they are spending their money at a particular place. Walmart, you're horrible at this. Blockbuster, you surprised me tonight.

* I know, I know. Starbuck's burns their coffee sometimes. And it is ridiculously overpriced. But heck, they always greet me while I am there. They take my order graciously and carry out their responsibilities with reasonable speed and precision. Argue all you want, but that is hard to come by these days.

Dusty Frame

2010-02-02T08:57:00.000-06:00

So, I went to the midwife Monday. Yep. I went to confirm a pregnancy. My own. =) Brian wouldn't let me spill the beans until we had it confirmed, which I totally understand and appreciate. However, this is so exciting that I feel like I am going to burst (that feeling may be from the bruschetta that I ate last night, though, so...) I took Caleb with me because I thought that I would just be peeing in a cup, since I had already had a PAP smear less than 1 year ago (and surely one should not have to experience more than one of these things per year, right?). Wrong. I was very wrong. Not only was trying to pee in a cup while holding my almost-9-month old extremely awkward and challenging, but also being clad in the white tissue paper outfit that they give you (how generous!) with a squirmy little man and who also loves ripping up tissue paper substances (thank you, Christmas) was quite a task. I was sitting there in the little room thinking, "Lord, what are you thinking? Another baby now?" But then I couldn't help but to laugh. Yep. Now. It's perfect. I am so clueless, why not add another baby to the mix? If he/she is half as cool as Caleb, it will be an amazing reminder that the God of the universe has once again blessed me with someone else of whom I am not worthy. I am only six weeks along, so at this point, there is a LOT up in the air with regard to developmental issues. Please pray that the Lord will continue to knit this baby together inside of me for His own Name. I am trusting in His sovereign hands. He knows my frame and is mindful that I am but dust (Psalm 103).

Soap Box

2010-01-26T13:20:00.000-06:00

Read this interesting article about a controversial Tim Tebow ad, supposed to air during the Super Bowl:

http://sports.yahoo.com/top/news?slug=ap-tebow-superbowlad&prov=ap&type=lgns

Terry O’Neill, the president of the National Organization for Women, said she had respect for the private choices made by women such as Pam Tebow but condemned the planned ad as “extraordinarily offensive and demeaning.” “That’s not being respectful of other people’s lives,” O’Neill said. “It is offensive to hold one way out as being a superior way over everybody else’s.” Seriously? Did she really just say that out loud? I guess she did. I mean, I suppose that I knew that people actually thought that way, but really... Hmm... Aren't Terry O'Neill, the rest of the N.O.W (which, by the way, I neither want nor need any representation they claim to offer) and many other organizations/people pointing the finger at Christians for being intolerant while all in the same breath screaming out their own intolerance? I mean, really what they want is for no one to claim to know truth. They are intolerant of the truth. Isn't claiming that there is no certain way to God and no absolute truth a truth claim in and of itself? Yes. It is. Why is celebrating life a point of offense for people? When God said "don't murder," t'was very clear that it was not something that He was leaving as a gray area for us to ponder or figure out what was wrong/right for each of us to do. He didn't leave any room for question. He said "don't." We can spend our time being offended if people call us out about not aligning ourselves with truth, but at the end of the day, we are offended by God and not man. And let me just say that I don't think that God wrongly offends anyone. If we are offended by His word, let us beg Him to change us to agree with Him about the issue instead of pitching a fit about having our feelings hurt... I'll be climbing down off of the soapbox now. =)

Happenings...

2010-01-17T15:59:00.000-06:00

So last week was probably one of the worst weeks ever...if we're keeping track (and I assume that somewhere in the human subconscious, we do keep track of things like that). Brian had come down with a bad cold. He rarely is ill, so when he's hit with something, it really changes my world. Caleb and I doctored him up pretty well, though, with things like chicken noodle soup, nyquil, vitamin C, and lots of fluid. He was back to feeling well by Tuesday. On Tuesday, Caleb started coughing this horrible little person cough that would break your heart. He also started sort of touching his ear and shaking his head "no." We began praying for him...that God would heal him. We know that we serve a God who can heal and who often does, when we ask according to His will. He tells us to ask and ask we did. I called my experienced-Mom friend, Amanda, for advice, since God also sometimes provides that healing to us through the wisdom that He has given people. She suggested giving him some GSE ear drops (which I ended up not being able to find at Ever'man) and some other things. I ended up going with Wally's Ear (which is a blend of herbs and oils). On Thursday, I went to Ever'man and got my items and returned home, only to realize that I had forgotten a few things. Thankfully, my husband is amazing and suggested that he go out and get the items. While he was gone, I thought that I would give Caleb a nice warm bath (it always makes me feel better having a nice warm bath. Couldn't hurt?) Problem. NO HOT WATER. Okay, what? What is the deal? Well, the deal, friends, is some sort of connector issue is at hand with our hot water heater, we think. It's BRAND new. We just moved in to a new house. It's irritating. We have to get it fixed. Brian manages to get it working each time that it does this, but I don't know how. And I am really not sure that he knows how he manages to fix it, but I am always grateful to the Lord. Well, Brian wasn't home. And we had no hot water. So Caleb was really fussy...and sick. I fed him dinner, gave him some of the things I picked up at Ever'man and he fell asleep. I decided to cook dinner. I was trying to really release my frustration on a good bacon-wrapped filet minon. That is where I went wrong. I should have just had chili or something easy. I ended up setting off the smoke alarm (for the first time in the new house). It does work, so that's nice to know. I was just so...emotionally and physically raw. When Brian got home, we laughed about the smokey smell and the burned steaks. (We did eat them, though. They were expensive!) By Friday, I had seen little turn around with the little man. Praise the Lord that my Mom came to the rescue to take care of both Caleb and I because by Friday even warrior mom had fallen into the hands of the enemy cold. I greeted Mom at the door, who came bearing gifts of juice, a new sippie cup for Caleb, pedialyte, lysol, kleenex, plenty of bottled water, and dinner for that night (I hadn't even mentioned the previous night's events). ::Sigh:: I hope I am half the mom that she is... Anyway, she suggested that I take Caleb to the pediatrician since he wasn't getting any better with the natural route (side note: I am not knocking natural remedies... I just didn't want to fool around with Caleb having an infection in his ear). We did. It was the first time that he had been back there since he was a month old and in the thirteenth percentile with respect to weight gain (another story for another day). We saw Dr. Reese (who is amazing, by the way). He examined Caleb and said that he did, in fact, have an ear infection. He gave us a prescription for Amoxicillan (free at Publix!) and suggested we come back in two weeks. Crazy. On Saturday, I felt worse. Caleb seemed to be feeling better. We had planned on going out to eat for Brian's birthday with my family. Carraba's. Yum. I am sure that it is better to go there when you can actually taste what you order. I couldn't taste a thing because of the state of my physical body. I had it boxed up though, no worries. We are feeling a bit better today...better than yesterday, but not back to full swing. Please pray for us. =) How are you?

2009-12-24T15:31:00.000-06:00

No, I still don't have the internet. No, I really don't want to talk about it... BUT I am so overwhelmed with all of these thoughts in my head. I truly have so much to write to you about concerning these last two months of our lives. I don't really know where to begin. Let me first say that the news concerning the Chandlers is truly heart breaking yet somehow God glorifying. Thank you, Father for making us trust you and allowing us to know people like Matt and Lauren, who can face any news because they hope in You. For news about this family, please visit thevillagechurch.net Christmas Eve. Crazy. Caleb is 7 almost 8 months old. It was so fun watching him open his presents today. He received so many wonderful gifts, one of which is a painting that his Aunt Bethy painted for him. It is a tree that has a verse that we memorized as kids because we were fearful of the dark and Mom wanted us to trust Christ. It is Psalm 4:8, " I will lie down and sleep in peace for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." Praise His Name! I am so thankful to have such a wonderful family. =) I can't wait until tomorrow when Halie and Brian and Caleb open their gifts from me. =) So exciting... Can't say much about them (the gifts) now, though, because I want them to be surprised! I will update with photos soon. Love!

No, I really am still alive...

2009-11-15T13:51:00.000-06:00

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I know you were beginning to wonder. Cox Communication still is just not quite sure that they can service our area, whatever that means. Brian, Halie, Caleb and I have moved into the new house... We've been there almost a month, actually. For nearly that entire time, we have not had access to the internet (still don't...I am writing to you from my parents' house in Pace). It's been really nice to not have the net. Nope, that isn't a typo. I have thoroughly enjoyed it. I have read several books including Under the Overpass (a true story about a guy and his friend who decided to live among the nation's homeless population in 5-6 major U.S. cities) and Crazy Love by Francis Chan, a pastor in Semi-Valley, California. BOTH books deserve your attention. =) I have, more importantly, been reading through the Bible this year and have finally caught up with where I need to be with regard to the date and the corresponding passage. I am in Acts right now and really have been caught up in the Gospels and all that Jesus did and said while He was on the planet. More than that, I have begun to pray for an outpouring of His Spirit in my life and in the lives of the people in my church. We desperately need Him. In reading the Gospels and in reading both Under the Overpass and Crazy Love, I have been assaulted with the idea that Jesus explains numerous times in the NT of "whatever you have/have not done to the least of these, you have/have not done it unto Me." Crazy. It's really messed me up (in a fabulous way). More on that another time...I don't have the time to delve deeper with you at present , dear Blogger. I will try and post pictures of the new place soon. I can't guarantee when, though, because I have no stable connection to this "world" of the internet.

Stressed & Sick, But With Power =)

2009-10-21T12:47:00.000-05:00

I am sick (I mentioned this yesterday). I seem to have worsened as the week wears on. I am also a bit stressed when I look around the rental house and see all that has to be moved and cleaned here really soon. I also think about my new home and all of the cleaning that must take place there before the real moving begins. Sick and stressed, yep. That's me. We officially have power at the new place today. Pops told me that it usually takes Gulf Power three days to hook it up and turn it on. He was astonished when I told him that Brian called about having it done (start the three day waiting) and they were out there this morning before 10 hooking it all up. I did ask God if He would have them come out as soon as possible... I mean, He tells us to ask Him. It couldn't hurt to ask, right? Looking forward to going to Mom and Dad's tonight for dinner before church. Mom is making her famous White Chicken Chili. It's absolutely delicious. I am thinking of making some beer bread to go along with it. =) I am also thinking of asking God to make Caleb take an extra long nap today so that I can take a nap. We'll see if the beer bread thing conflicts with the nap. If it does, I may just have skip my domestic tasks and love on my pillow. It's been a rough week.

Cake Mix Cookie Bars

2009-10-21T12:45:00.000-05:00

Cake Mix Cookie Bars

1 pkg. yellow cake mix

1/4 c. water

2 eggs

1/4 c. brown sugar, packed

1 (12 oz.) pkg. chocolate or butterscotch chips

1/2 c. chopped nuts (I omit these sometimes)

1/4 c. soft butter

Mix all ingredients except nuts and chips with mixer. Once mixed, stir in nuts and chips. Grease and flour regular size cake pan. Bake at 375 degrees for 20-25 minutes. Yum-o!

Brief

2009-10-20T10:33:00.000-05:00

I can't wait to move in to the new house... ahhh! Brian and I stayed over at the new place grouting the master bath's shower. We got a late start (around 6:30) and didn't end up finishing until around 11:30 last night. Crazy. The inspector(s) are coming today, so we had to get it all done. Tomorrow we will (finally) close and hopefully begin moving in! In the meantime, I am sick sick sick (three times for emphasis). I have a running/stuffy nose (I experience both in 24 hours), a sore throat, and a cough. Not fun. Especially since I keep thinking that this is the PERFECT (and by "perfect" I mean NOT perfect) time to not feel well. Ugh. Oh well. It will be nice to recover physically in a new dwelling.

Pumpkin Sausage Soup

2009-10-19T16:09:00.000-05:00

Boy! Have I got a recipe for you... My dear friend, Amanda, made this the other night when we had a fall feast at her home. The soup (and the rest of everything she made) was delicious! Here's the recipe:

Pumpkin Sausage Soup

Ingredients 1 (12 ounce) package Jimmy Dean sausage 1/2 cup onion, minced 1 garlic clove, minced 1 tablespoon italian seasoning 1-2 cup fresh mushrooms, chopped 1 (15 ounce) can pumpkin 4 cups chicken broth 1/2 cup heavy cream 1/2 cup water

Directions 1 Brown sausage, drain, then add the onion, garlic, Italian seasoning and mushrooms and sauté until done. 2 Add pumpkin to this mixture and mix well. 3 Then stir in the broth and mix well. 4 Simmer 20-30 minutes. 5 Stir in the heavy cream and water and simmer on low another 10-15 minutes.

Taste and add salt & pepper as needed.

A glimpse of the goodness of God in a Blue Dot

2009-10-17T14:40:00.000-05:00

Today was Caleb's first trip to Blue Dot BBQ. Brian called earlier this afternoon and asked if we would mind going to get one for him, Pops, Jake, and Rob. (They are all finishing up the house today.)

If you aren't familiar with the Blue Dot-- where've you been, seriously? =) I kid, I kid. The Blue Dot is a quaint little "restaurant (if you could call it that)" off of Devilliers Street. There is no sign outside to let you know that you have arrived; you just have to know someone that has been there before in order to know where it is.

I myself had never eaten a Blue Dot burger, but I had heard (from my wonderful dad, brother, and husband) about the burgers and could not wait to taste and see for myself. Mom had never eaten one either and so this was a special treat for her as well. (If at this point, you're thinking, "what's the big deal? It's just a burger?" I will dismiss your silly comment and implore you to try one and see.

When we arrived to the house and sat down (in the dining room on the new tile floor!), I think that we all savored the delicious Blue Dot and quietly in my heart, I sat grateful to God for a glimpse of His goodness in tasting this burger. Yum-o! Praise You, Father!

Here are some photos to document Caleb's experience inside the Blue Dot:

Is it our turn to order?

Caleb and his Granda excited about the Blue Dot.

Ahh, the simplicity. Yes, folks, this is where it happens.

A man comes out into the room where everyone is lined up (some murmuring about the goodness of this anything-but-glamorous-place to a first time visitor) to take 5-8 people's order. Oh, and by the way, it isn't "just like you like it" and you can't "have it your way." No sir. The burgers come one way.... You CAN get things like tomatoes or onions left off of the burger, but nothing added. This man does not write anything down. He remembers everyone's order and serves it up when it's ready (which is about 15-20 minutes). Everything is made to order and when they run out of food, they close the shop. They aren't open everyday, but you can call before you go.

Random

2009-10-16T13:31:00.000-05:00

I have all of the windows open. Yep, all of them. Well, except for the one in Caleb's room and that's because he's sleeping. When I laid him down for his nap, I went outside to check yesterday's mail. Yeah, *yesterday's*. For some reason, I can never remember to check it at 4 or 5 or whenever it actually has freshly arrived. So, I check it the day after. Anyway, I was floored by the goodness of God to have provided such marvelous weather! What a display of his awesomeness, amen? I mean, even hot and sticky weather sings praises to its maker, but it's just so nice of God to surprise this Florida girl with some good fall-ish weather today. To my surprise, there was a package in the mailbox addressed to my little man from his Great Sue and Great Grandmama. It is the two cutest long underwear shirts from Old Navy. One is red and the other is camo-ish. (I should post a picture, but I don't really feel like getting up to get my camera to photograph them. Perhaps I will later.) I can't wait to show him the shirts! But I will wait because he's sleeping... Caleb has recently re-adjusted his nap schedule. He basically takes two long naps a day now, which is neat. He's been sleeping since about 10 AM and it's 1:40 PM right now. Sleep, buddy, sleep! :) I actually am ready to wake him up because it's been hours since I have gotten to play with him and I really enjoy that. I want to take him outside so that he can really experience this first "fall" day of October. I know that there was a great dayof fall weather a couple of weeks ago ,but it pales in comparison to this one so I am not even going to label it as being a fall day. It was merely a fall preview. I can't wait to move in to the new house! Seriously, the other night, I couldn't sleep because I was so excited. I kept thinking about which cabinet I wanted to put the glasses in and what colors I wanted to use in the dining area. Total nerd, I know. Today the guys at Gene's Floor Covering (go there, people! They are wonderful!) are installing the carpet today. When the little man wakes up, we may go visit the new house to see it. :) I am living between two worlds, it seems. I have most of my kitchen stuff over there at the new house, already unpacked (so my wondering about the positioning of the glasses the other night was actually me rethinking where I had already placed them...which is nerdy). I already have freshly washed towels in the bathroom cabinets. I still have things here at the rental, but it just isn't home now that I have a new home. I started thinking of the parallels to the reality of this idea of living between two worlds and its truths when it comes to the gospel (and it always comes to the gospel...because I can't compartmentalize the gospel). I have been ransomed, but I am still here, not yet fully united with my Maker. I long for the day.... Maranatha!

Clean-up, Clean-up. Everybody Clean-up!

2009-10-14T13:37:00.000-05:00

So, I am at my parents' house today, Wednesday. I have recently been hired to clean once a week. It's a great deal because Caleb and I get to get out of the house and I get to make some extra moo-lah for the family. =) Oh, and THEY get their house cleaned. I love cleaning. Yep, that's not a typo. I love it. It's especially easy for me to clean up someone else's home because I am not there every day, residing among familiar corners and crannies that may/may not collect dust. It's also easy for me to spot things that the residents may/may not notice and therefore can properly asses the dirt "damage" and fix it. There's nothing like seeing some fresh vacuum lines on the furniture and carpet... sigh... I *am* a total nerd. Today, I was thinking of how much I enjoy cleaning my parents' house. It's really a lot of fun and I leave less stressed than when I pulled in the driveway. It's easier than cleaning my own home, actually. And therein brings me back to the thinking that I was referring to... Sometimes, it is easier for us to spot the mess in other folks' lives and asses it than it is to let the Word or the Holy Spirit asses our own mess. It is easy for me to pick a part a person and all see a few of their fault and discredit them and not want to allow him/her to speak into my life. Sad, I know. Because me doing that almost makes it seem as though I think I have it all together, and let's face it: I don't. I want to work on NOT trying to spot someone's faults. I want to work on DILIGENTLY LOOKING for evidences of God's grace in a person's life. It's easy to do the former; it's worthwhile to ask God to do the latter in me. Jesus, please help me.

Apple Cinnamon Bread

2009-10-13T13:15:00.000-05:00

I usually only bake bread when I have an abundance of bananas or apples. Today, it was apples that were in abundance, hence the choice to bake Apple Cinnamon Bread. Here's the recipe: Mix together one soft stick of butter with one cup of granulated sugar. Separately, mix together 1 TBSP of milk, 1 TSPB baking soda (dissolve in milk), 1 TSP. vinegar. Once dissolved, add to butter/sugar mixture. To that, add two beaten eggs. 1/2 TSP salt 2 cup flour (I use whole wheat...yum-o!) 1 TSP vanilla 2 cup peeled or not apples (I opted not to peel them) chopped 1 TSP cinnamon TOPPING: 1 TSP cinnamon 2 TBSP sugar 2 TBSP flour 2 TBSP butter Bake in a preheated oven at 325 degrees for 50-60 minutes. Enjoy!

Dogs vs Cats

2009-10-12T09:08:00.000-05:00

I read the following from a blog that I regularly read. If you have any experience with cats and dogs, you will like this: The Dog's Diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! The Cat's Diary Day 983 of My Captivity My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now

The Gospel Song

2009-10-11T19:07:00.000-05:00

I read a post on the GirlTalk blog (see the blogs I read section of this blog) that discussed the most important thing that a mother is charged to do: preach the Gospel to her children. "Your mission, dear mother, is not to make your children happy, but to prepare them for eternity…You must relentlessly evangelize their never-dying souls.” (Womanly Dominion p. 127-128) Sovereign Grace has a song entitled "The Gospel Song" that I want to begin to sing to Caleb each night and day. You can listen to the song here: http://www.imeem.com/people/hX0Ft9/music/hF2brjHg/sovereign-grace-music-the-gospel-song-reprise/ These are the lyrics:

Holy God in love became perfect man to bear my blame

On the cross He took my sin

By His death I live again

Yanke Candle Home

2009-10-10T17:06:00.000-05:00

Target is selling a brand of Yankee Candle. Just another reason that Target is one of my favorite places... =)

Mark Driscoll

2009-10-09T12:43:00.000-05:00

Mark Driscoll recently was interviewd by abc news about idol worship. It's refreshing to see the truth showcased by the media for once...

Check this out!

"Celebrity Culture and Idol Worship"

http://is.gd/40rn2

Easy Snickerdoodle Cookies

2009-10-09T12:32:00.000-05:00

Easy Snickerdoodle Cookies 1 Yellow Cake Mix 1/3 cup vegetable oil 2 eggs 1/2 cup sugar (or less! I use less!) 2 TBSP cinnamon 1 TSP vanilla Mix together cake mix, oil, eggs, vanilla. Separately mix together sugar and cinnamon. Make 1 inch round balls of cookie dough and then roll them around in the sugar and cinnamon mix. Bake at 375 degrees for 8-10 minutes, or until golden. Yum-o!

Thoughts...random thoughts

2009-10-09T08:57:00.000-05:00

I am sitting on the couch this morning with my english muffin and vanilla carmel flavored coffee with a full head... Here's a glimpse:

Cheryldawn.com is a photography site that you must visit. She photographed my dear friend's wedding back in May. Cheryl is so talented!! You could also check out cheryldawnphotography@blogspot.com to see some of her work. Wow-o! I wish that I could marry Brian all over again and have her photograph the whole thing. =) Photos (in my opinion) have a way of capturing even the feelings felt within the moment that the picture is snapped.

Boxes. I am so sick of seeing boxes all over our rental house... ugh! There really is no way for me to describe how unsettled I feel at this moment because of the lack of order here. Brian keeps telling me that things are orderly...that the boxes neatly stacked and out of the way is very much organized. But he and I are not alike in that I have to see everything in its place before I am able to truly relax. It runs in the family, what can I say? I am predisposed to hyper-organization.

What's for dinner tonight? We're having our dear friends, Jacob & Amanda and their two totally fun girls, over... I am thinking of something Italian. Perhaps a baked ziti of some sort. Ideas?

Brian and I watched this video on PBS (Frontline) about Iran last night. We don't have cable (not necessarily because we don't like watching television-- we are really missing watching college football right now!-- but we really have cut out everything in our budget that we don't actually need and we couldn't justify t.v. as a need), so we watched it on my laptop. It was really interesting (and sad) how America is perceived among other nations. All in all, I think that the reasons that we are hated by other countries are legitmate... we are spoiled, fat, rich (altogether gluttoness), know-it-alls.

Speaking of fat, I need to get after being more healthy and toned. I don't want to seek after vanity, but Brian has told me time and time again that when I take care of myself (don't insert: make-up), it is honoring to him. So, I strive to take care of myself, but in a way that I am not merely seeking outward beauty. I need to start running again.

I really wanted to visit my friends Jenn and Whitney in NOLA this weekend, but Brian said that he thought that it was too much on Caleb to drive three hours there and three back in one day. I agree, but I really hate it because I totally miss these two girls. Whitney recently married David and now resides in NOLA, though she originally hails from Lake City, Florida (30 minutes from Gainseville). Jenn is going to be there for the LSU/Florida game (or shall I say, the FLORIDA/LSU game?) and also to catch up with her dear pal, Whit. Anyway, I am just dying to see both of them. How can I make it happen?!

there's more, but I will save you from having to endure the rest.

House

2009-10-08T15:16:00.000-05:00

Well, we just found out that the SHIP money that we qualify for is quickly running out and so we need to close on the house as soon as possible. Brian is stressed...I mean, he's really cool under pressure, but I can tell-- he's stressed. He left work early to be able to make a lot of headway on the house. Let's see... We have to finish:

painting (second coat, cutting in in Caleb's room, Halie's room, living room, kitchen, laundry room, bathrooms-- okay, almost the whole house)
cleaning the tile (it was grouted beautifully thanks to my in-laws)
electricity (Tuesday)
plumbing (Tomorrow)
HVAC ( Monday)
driveway
columns
get a front door
install shelving in each room
door for the water heater closet
install bathroom vanity
shower floor tile
one piece of siding installation
insulation

I am sure there's something that I am forgetting... Anyway, please be praying for us! We could use it! And if you're not doing anything in the afternoons (or on Saturday), I am sure that Brian could put you to work.

Goodbye Facebook, my old friend....

2009-10-06T15:24:00.000-05:00

Well, I finally did it. I deleted my facebook. I was one of the original proponets of the social networking system... My senior year of high school, the facebook phenomenon began. I remember that I could not wait until I enrolled in a four year university so that I could get my school email account and, you guessed it, acquire a facebook account. Back then, you had to be a college student to be connected to the facebook world. I have spent the last six years on facebook. And to be honest, I have thoroughly enjoyed it. However, every now and again, I begin to wonder, "is this really how I should be 'engaging' people?" I mean, I know... it's definitely easier to keep track of all your friends and relatives via facebook, but is it really worthwhile? Relationships are essential in this life, so shouldn't we make it less about what's easy and more about really taking time and effort to engage people? I'm really just asking myself these questions. Maybe facebook doesn't consume much of your time at all. And maybe you can really utilize it as a helpful tool that serves as a springboard to deeper relationships. I fooled myself into thinking that I was delving deeper with folks via facebook because I was able to view status updates, look at photos, and send messages. But really, I think I became a tame stalker. So, today I said 'farewell' to an old friend: Facebook.

As of late...

2009-09-29T15:35:00.000-05:00

So, a few more weeks and I will be writing to you live from the new house. Pretty exciting! I am beyond excited, actually. I cannot get over how amazingly good God is to have put me with a man who would build a house for me.

I just bought a "new" couch on Craig's List. I am boderline addicted to Craig's List...selling things on the site. I have made a nice chunck of change and managed to rid the house of lot of items that we were no longer using. If find yourself with things that you don't really need or things that you are no longer using, you should totally sell the items on Craig's List. =)

I am really loving the new vanilla pumpking Yankee candle that I just bought last week. Mom had a buy one/get one coupon and so she let me split it with her (so, she paid half the price of one and I paid the other half); great deal! I totally hit the mom-jackpot in the mom category, by the way. She's pretty awesome.

Caleb turned 20 weeks yesterday. Crazy. That's five months for you non-week-giving-birthday folks. I am so excited about each stage that he enters... I find myself saying, "he couldn't possibly get any cuter" and then he does...get cuter. Man! He looks just like his handsome Daddy. =) Caleb is rolling over like a madman, laughing, semi-scooting, smiling, sitting up (with help), and all kinds of other fun things. I just l-o-v-e him!

We are supposed to be moving into the new house soon... I already have rearranged the furniture in my head several times for the new place. I am such a geek, I know. I am thrilled to no end about cleaning the place! I can't wait to have this new small space because 1. it will be cheaper than the rent that we're paying now 2. it will be OURS 3. Brian built it by the sweat of his own brow 4. it will be OURS 5. it will be OURS

...AND I can't wait to have people over! Seriously, I am already planning out when to have some families over for dinner. =)

Here's a photo of my boy:

My little boy

2009-08-27T16:54:00.000-05:00

I love my little boy.

No, I mean, I L-O-V-E my little boy. He's just so wonderful. Man.

I have just laid him down for his afternoon nap. When we first started our adventure together, it was turmoil trying to get him to lie down and go to sleep. But we've established a routine. He knows that when I lay him down, I am not abandoning him or trying to mean (maybe he doesn't really "know" this...maybe he does). I am really acting on behalf of him or for his sake by putting him down to rest.

Being a mom has really taught me a lot so far (and I am sure that there is so much more to come!). I see so many things that God does for me for my good...things that sometime make me squawk and squeal because I don't know what's going on. I think that He's leaving me and I am afraid. But He's not. He's acting on my behalf...doing what's best for me and what honors His own Name. He's so good! And most of the time, I just don't get it. I am so thankful for this tiny glimpse into His heart...

This afternoon, we played for a while and worked on his pronunciation of "Mama" (okay, he's not yet four months old, but he has to learn sometime, right?), and then I put him down. And guess what? He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

::Sigh:: I love him.

It's happening: Community...!!!

2009-08-20T08:45:00.000-05:00

Well, last night was nothing short of amazing. At Harmony Ridge, we have been talking a lot about community and 'all that it means...' I guess I was rather skeptical that it would ever actually happen there (because I am a real butt-head sometimes) because we don't all totally agree about every little thing, because each of us seem to (as Rob says) 'like it how we like it.' Last night, we started discussing the whole stream of thinking and acting behind persecuting hospitality as discussed in Romans 12:13. We were all going 'round and 'round about how to apply this idea, since we are commanded to do it. Rob, I think, at one point opened the can about confessing our sins to one another (James 5:16-- Therefore, confess your sins to one another, that you may be healed...). Great in theory, but are we actually going to put it into practice? Yes! Josh M. spoke up. He confessed the sin that was in his heart. I won't go into it in detail, but it was beautiful to see him broken over his sin. I guess because we often TALK about confessing our sin to one another, but rarely do we put it into practice. Rob mentioned this whole idea about agreeing with God about our sin and allowing brothers and sisters to stand with us and also agree with God about our sin. There is such power in that. As Josh M. was speaking, I realized that no one could say that he/she was exempt from sin; therefore, we can all relate to having been entangled by something and wanting desperately for Christ to have victory over it. Lots of us confessed last night. It was both humiliating and liberating all at once. Now we can practice really loving one another...because now we know. We know a bit of each other's junk. And we know that sin is death and that Christ is life. We know that He put us together for this reason: that we love one another (John 13:34), that we bear with one another (Galatians 6:2, Ephesians 4:2, Colossians 3:13), and so that we can truly ascend Mt. Zion together and worship our greatly-to-be-praised God of the universe (see Psalm 87:2).

Continued...

2009-08-17T13:45:00.001-05:00

This post is continued from a previous post. I listened to a Piper sermon on worship and thought I would share some of the message with you. I think that it needs to be applied to our lives... Piper says:

Therefore, as a pastor I agree with Jonathan Edwards when he said, "I should think myself in the way of my duty, to raise the affections of my hearers as high as I possibly can, provided they are affected with nothing but truth, and with affections that are not disagreeable to the nature of what they are affected with." I think of it something like this: The fuel of worship is the truth of a gracious, sovereign God; the furnace of worship is your spirit; and the heat of worship is the vital affections of reverence, fear, adoration, contrition, trust, joy, gratitude, and hope.

But something is missing from that analogy, namely, fire. The fuel of truth in the furnace of your spirit does not automatically produce the heat of worship. There has to be fire, which I think is the Holy Spirit.

When Jesus says in v. 23, "True worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth," some take him to mean "in the Holy Spirit." I've taken him to mean that worship must come from your spirit within, instead of being merely formal and external. But in John 3:6 Jesus connects God's Spirit and our spirit in a remarkable way. He says, "That which is born of the Spirit is spirit." In other words, until the Holy Spirit touches our spirit with the flame of life, our spirit is so dead it does not even qualify as spirit. Only that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. So when Jesus says that true worshipers worship in spirit, he must mean that true worship only comes from spirits that are made alive and sensitive and vital by the touch of the Holy Spirit.

So now we can complete the analogy: the fuel of worship is the grand truth of a gracious and sovereign God; the fire that makes the fuel burn white hot is the quickening of the Holy Spirit; the furnace made alive and warm by the flame of truth is our renewed spirit; and the resulting heat of our affections is worship, pushing its way out in tears, confessions, prayers, praises, acclamations, lifting of hands, bowing low, and obedient lives. Notice verse 34. When his disciples come back with food, Jesus says, "My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work." The work of God is to seek real worshipers. Jesus was sent to accomplish this work. Therefore we should see the whole interchange with the Samaritan woman as the work of God in Jesus seeking a real worshiper. In verse 35 Jesus applies his example to us, "Do you not say there are yet four months and then comes the harvest? I tell you, lift up your eyes and see how the fields are already white for harvest." There is a white harvest of harlots in Samaria. I have just made one into a real worshiper. That's why the Father sent me; so send I you. God seeks people to worship him in spirit and truth. Here comes the city of Sychar white unto harvest. If you love the glory of God, make ready to reap.

Sovereign Grace

2009-08-17T11:15:00.000-05:00

I want more of Christ... not His stuff, but Him. I want to assemble together with folks who want more of Christ and His power in their lives. There is something really wonderful about gathering together with people whose treasure is found within the person of Jesus Christ. He is altogether lovely and terrifying at once. HE is the only way to build true community among people. When I lived in Gainesville while attending the University of Florida, I was able to be a part of Abundant Grace Church, which is affiliated with Sovereign Grace Ministries. One of the beautiful things about Sovereign Grace churches is their incredible unity among one another nationwide. You can visit a SG church in North Carolina and then one in Maryland and find that they are remarkably on the same page with regard to worship, discipleship, and mission. That's rare, I think. I really appreciate their desire to build community among members of the Body. It's a refreshing model that is very Biblical and should be immitated among other churches.

So, I've been thinking...

2009-08-14T14:51:00.000-05:00

(Edit: I revamped this post. I heard this sermon that articulated all that I was thinking and was less rant-like. )
I recently listened to a sermon preached by Dr. John Piper (April 8, 1984) entitled God Seeks People to Worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. He uses the following text:
John 4:16-26
16 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” 17 The woman answered him, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; 18 for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.” 19 The woman said to him, “Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet. 20 Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you say that in Jerusalem is the place where people ought to worship.” 21 Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. 22 You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23 But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. 24 God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” 25 The woman said to him, “I know that Messiah is coming (he who is called Christ). When he comes, he will tell us all things.” 26 Jesus said to her, “I who speak to you am he.”
Piper discusses the topic extensively and (of course) does a fabulous job explaining; however, he gets to one portion that was particularly interesting and confronting to me. He says:
So in verses 21 and 22 Jesus directs the woman's attention away from the external question "where" to the internal question "how" and the theological question "whom." Worship must be vital and real from within and it must be based on a true perception of God. Now verse 23 sums this up with the key phrase "in spirit and truth": "But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth." The two words, spirit and truth, correspond to the how and the whom of worship. Worshiping in spirit is the opposite of worshiping in mere external ways. It's the opposite of formalism and traditionalism. Worshiping in truth is the opposite of worship based on an inadequate view of God. Together the words "spirit and truth" mean that real worship comes from the spirit within and is based on true views of God. Worship must have heart and worship must have head. Worship must engage your emotions and worship must engage your thought. Truth without emotion produces dead orthodoxy and a church full of unspiritual fighters. Emotion without truth produces empty frenzy and cultivates flaky people who reject the discipline of rigorous thought. True worship comes from people who are deeply emotional and who love deep and sound doctrine.

The Fifty Fruits of Pride

2009-08-14T12:59:00.000-05:00

(I got this from my dear from Jennifer Romanski, who had it linked to her blog. It is from Brent Detwiler, who pastors a Sovereign Grace Church in North Carolina.)

The Fifty Fruits of Pride

1. Want to be Well Known or Important (Isaiah 14:13-15; James 3:13-16; Romans 12:6)  "I am selfishly ambitious. I really want to get ahead and make a name for myself. I want to be someone important in life. I like having a position or title. I far prefer leading to following."

2. Sinfully Competitive  "I am overly competitive. I always want to win or come out on top and it bothers me when I don't."

3. Want to Impress People (Luke 10:38-42)  "I want people to be impressed with me. I like to make my accomplishments known." a. Clothes or jewelry you wear. b. Vehicle you drive. c. Furniture you own. d. House you live in. e. Place you live. f. Company you work for. g. Amount of money you earn. h. Food you eat. i. How spiritual you are. j. What you look like (physical appearance). k. What you have accomplished. l. What you know. m. Where you went to school. n. Who you know. o. What your background is.

4. Draw Attention to Myself (Proverbs 27:2)  "I like to be the center of attention and will say or do things to draw attention to myself."

5. Like to Talk About Myself  "I like to talk, especially about myself or persons or things I am involved with. I want people to know what I am doing or thinking. I would rather speak than listen. I have a hard time being succinct."

6. Deceitful and Pretentious (Psalm 24:3-4, 26:2-4; Jeremiah 48:10; Proverbs 26:20-26)  "I tend to be deceptive about myself. I find myself lying to preserve my reputation. I find myself hiding the truth about myself, especially about sins, weaknesses, etc. I don't want people to know who I really am."

7. Desire Recognition and Praise (John 5:41-44; Matthew 6:1, 23:5-7)  "I desire to receive recognition and credit for what I do. I like people to see what I do and let me know that they noticed. I feel hurt or offended when they don‟t. I am overly concerned about my reputation and hate being misunderstood." 8. Not Fulfilled Serving Others (John 3:30)  "I am not very excited about seeing or making others successful. I tend to feel envious, jealous or critical towards those who are doing well or being honored."

9. Self Sufficient (Matthew 4:4; John 15:5; Acts 17:25; 2 Corinthians 12:7-10)  "I tend to be self sufficient in the way I live my life. I don‟ live with a constant awareness that my every breath is dependent upon the will of God. I tend to think I have enough strength, ability and wisdom to live and manage my life. My practice of the spiritual disciplines is inconsistent and superficial. I don‟ like to ask others for help."

10. Anxious (Psalm 4:8; Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Peter 5:6-7)  "I am often anxious about my life and the future. I tend not to trust God and rarely experience his abiding and transcendent peace in my soul. I have a hard time sleeping at night because of fearful thoughts and burdens I carry."

11. Self Focused (Exodus 4:11; Job 10:8-11; Psalm 139:13-16; Isaiah 53:2; Jeremiah 1:5)  "I am overly self-conscious. I tend to replay in my mind how I did, what I said, and how I came across to others. I am very concerned about my appearance and what people think of me. I think about these things constantly."

12. Fear Man (Proverbs 29:25)  "I fear man more than God. I am afraid of others and make decisions about what I will say or do based upon this fear. I am afraid to take a stand for things that are right. I am concerned with how people will react to me or perceive my actions or words. I don‟ often think about God‟ opinion in a matter and rarely think there could be consequences for disobeying him. I primarily seek the approval of man and not of God."

13. Insecure  "I often feel insecure. I don‟t want to try new things or step out into uncomfortable situations because I‟m afraid I‟ll fail or look foolish. I am easily embarrassed." 14. Compare Myself  "I regularly compare myself to others. I am "performance oriented." I feel that I have greater worth if I do well."

15. Perfectionist  "I am self-critical. I tend to be a perfectionist. I can‟t stand for little things to be wrong because they reflect poorly on me. I have a hard time putting my mistakes behind me."

16. Self Serving (Philippians 2:19-22)  "I am self-serving. When asked to do something, I find myself asking how will doing this help me?‟or i'll I be inconvenienced?‟I am not focused on the needs and interests of others."

17. Feel Better or Superior  "I feel special or superior because of what I have or do."

18. Think Highly of Myself (Romans 12:3, 16; James 2:1-4)  "I think highly of myself. In relation to others I typically see myself as more mature and more gifted. In most situations, I have more to offer than others even though I may not say so. I don‟ consider myself average or ordinary."

19. Credit Myself (1 Corinthians 4:6-7; 15:10)  "I tend to give myself credit for who I am and what I accomplish. I only occasionally think about or recognize that all that I am or have comes from God. I don‟ consciously transfer all glory to God for any good I have or any good I do."

20. Self Righteous (Luke 18:9-14)  "I tend to be self-righteous. I can think that I really have something to offer God. I would never say so, but I think God did well to save me. I seldom think about or recognize my total depravity and helplessness apart from God. I regularly focus on the sins of others. I don‟ credit God for any degree of holiness in my life." 21. Feel Deserving  "I feel deserving. I think I deserve what I have. In fact, I think I ought to have more considering how well I have lived or in light of all I have done."

22. Ungrateful (Luke 17:11-19; Ephesians 5:19-20; 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; Colossians 3:15-17; Philippians 2:14)  "I often feel ungrateful. Instead of thanking other people, I tend to complain about them. I grumble about what I don‟t have or my lot in life. I am not amazed by grace on a regular basis and lack joy in my life."

23. Captive to Self Pity  "I find myself wallowing in self-pity. I am consumed with how I am treated by God and others. I tend to feel mistreated and hate being misunderstood. I seldom recognize or sympathize with what‟s going on with others around me because I feel that I have it worse than they do."

24. Jealous and Envious (James 3:13-16)  "I can be jealous or envious of others abilities, possessions, positions, accomplishments or friends. I want to be what others are or want to have what others have. I think I deserve or should have the good things other people do. I find it hard to rejoice when others are blessed by God."

25. Unkind and Harsh (Ezekiel 16:49; Psalm 17:10; Proverbs 24:17-18; Luke 10:25-37)  "I am pretty insensitive to others. I feel some people just aren‟t worth caring about. I have a hard time showing compassion or extending mercy to others. Some people aren‟ worth my time and attention."

26. Love to Reveal My Mind (Proverbs 18:2)  "I like to reveal my own mind. I have an answer for practically every situation and an opinion on every subject. I feel compelled to balance everyone else out and let them know my thoughts." 27. Know It All (1 Corinthians 8:1)  "I have a know-it-all attitude. I am impressed by my own knowledge and understanding of things. I feel like there isn‟t much I can learn from other people, especially those less mature than me." 28. Like People to Know I Know  "I feel compelled to stop people when they start to share something with me I already know." 29. Hard to Admit I Don't Know  "I find it hard to admit it when I don’t know something. When someone asks me something I don‟t know, I will make up an answer rather than admit I don't know."

30. Don't Listen to Ordinary People  "I have a hard time listening to ordinary people. I listen better to those I respect or people I am wanting to leave with a good impression. I don‟ honestly listen when someone else is speaking because I am usually planning what I am going to say next."

31. Interruptive  "I interrupt people regularly. I don‟ let people finish what they are saying."

32. Don't Get Much Out of Teaching  "I don’t get much out of the teaching. I tend to evaluate the speaker rather than my own life. I grumble about hearing something a second time."

33. Thinking of Others During Teaching  "I listen to teaching with other people in mind. I constantly think of those folks who need to hear and apply this teaching and wish they were here."

34. Not Teachable (Proverbs 12:1)  "I‟ not very open to input. I don‟ pursue correction for my life. I tend to be unteachable and slow to repent when corrected. I don‟t really see correction as a positive thing. I am offended when people probe the motivations of my heart or seek to adjust me." 35. Don‟ Admit Wrong Doing (Proverbs 28:13; James 5:16)  "I have a hard time admitting that I am wrong. I find myself covering up or excusing my sins. It is hard for me to confess my sins to others or to ask for forgiveness."

36. Do Not Welcome Correction (Proverbs 15:12)  "I view correction as an intrusion into my privacy rather than an instrument of God for my welfare. I can‟ identify anyone who would feel welcome to correct me."

37. Resent People Who Correct Me (Proverbs 9:7-9)  "I resent people who attempt to correct me. I don‟ respond with gratefulness and sincere appreciation for their input. Instead I am tempted to accuse them and dwell on their faults. I get bitter and withdraw."

38. Contentious and Argumentative (James 1:19-20)  "When corrected, I become contentious and argumentative. I don‟ take people‟ observations seriously. I minimize and make excuses or give explanations."

39. Get Angry or Offended With Others (1 Corinthians 6:7)  "I am easily angered and offended. I don‟t like being crossed or disagreed with. I find myself thinking, "I can‟ believe they did that to me." I often feel wronged. I hate to be misunderstood by others especially those I respect and desire to think highly of me."

40. Constantly in Conflicts (Proverbs 13:10)  "I have "personality conflicts" with others. I have a hard time getting along with certain kinds of people. People regularly tell me they struggle with me."

41. Have Little Esteem or Respect for Others (Numbers 16:1-3)  "I lack respect for other people. I don‟t think very highly of most people. I have a hard time encouraging and honoring others unless they really do something great." 42. Do Violence with My Mouth (Psalm 101:5; Romans 3:13-14; 3 John 1:9-10)  "I am a slanderer. I find myself either giving or receiving evil reports about others. I am not concerned about the effect of slander on me because of my maturity level. I think I can handle it. I only share with others the things I think they really need to know. I don‟ tell all. Anyway, the things I say or hear about people are usually true."

43. Sow Discord (Proverbs 28:25)  "I am divisive. My actions and attitudes separate people rather than unite people. My words frequently undermined the confidence and trust people have in one another. I also tend to resist or resent authority. I don‟t like other people to give me orders or directions."

44. Demean or Belittle Others  "With a motivation to put people in their place or look good myself, I like to demean or put others down. They need my adjustment. This includes leaders. Other people need to be humble and have a "sober" assessment of themselves."

45. Critical  "I tend to be critical of others. I find myself feeling or talking negatively about people. I subtly feel better about myself when I see how bad someone else is. I find it far easier to evaluate than to encourage someone else."

46. Self Willed and Stubborn  "I am self-willed and stubborn. I have a hard time cooperating with others. I really prefer my own way and often insist on getting it."

47. Independent (Proverbs 18:1; Luke 1:51-52)  "I am independent and uncommitted. I don‟t really see why I need other people. I can easily separate myself from others. I don't get much out of the small group meetings."

48. Unaccountable (Acts 2:42; Hebrews 10:25)  "I am unaccountable. I don‟ ask others to hold me responsible to follow through on my commitments. I don‟ really need accountability for my words and actions." 49. Unsubmissive (Hebrews 13:17; 1 Peter 5:5)  "I am unsubmissive. I don't like being under the authority of another person. I don‟ see submission as a good and necessary provision from God for my life. I have a hard time supporting and serving those over me. I don‟ "look up" to people and I like to be in charge. Other people may need leaders but I don‟. It is important that my voice is always heard."

50. Feel Mature  "I really appreciate somebody taking the time to put this paper together. It will really be a big help to my friends and family. However, I don‟t really need this because I think I'm pretty humble already."

Fox News & Friends

2009-08-13T09:42:00.000-05:00

The following link is to the August 12th interview with Mr. Frank Lay and Mr. Robert Freeman from Fox News & Friends. http://www.foxnews.com/video2/video08.html?maven_referralObject=8112369&maven_referralPlaylistId=&sRevUrl=http://www.foxnews.com/foxfriends/

2009-07-30T10:46:00.000-05:00

Meet: Caleb Elias Brian Caldwell

Age: Three months old!

Birthday: May 11, 2009

Interests: People, blowing amazing spit bubbles, sleeping, his pacifier, b.milk, bouncy seats, smiling, etc.

Photography Credit: Marty Hadding

New Beginnings

2009-07-23T17:15:00.000-05:00

We've been (as a church) exploring the idea of community and community as worship (as well as many other things that are affected by the Gospel). While I have much to say about this topic, I wanted to share a really basic thought of thanksgiving to the LORD for providing such a wonderful group of people who have helped us in the beginning stages of building our home. Brian is doing most of the work himself, but he couldn't do it without the following folks, who have spent hours helping in the process. Thank you to: Roger (Pops) Caldwell Matt Caldwell Dan (Dad) Adams Mark Adams Larry Knight Steve Kopinksi Sean Kopinski Timm Showalter Robert Showalter Jason McCulley Joshua Marchlewski Jacob Marchlewski Joey Flaws Jimmy Flaws Anyway, I will let the pictures speak as to the progress.... You can go to our house blog to view photos: http://journeyathand.wordpress.com/