Farewell, our dear friend

"Healer", This is Our God, Hillsong (2008) You hold my every moment. You calm my raging seas. You walk with me through fire. You heal all my disease. I trust in You. I trust in You. I believe that You're my Healer. I believe that You're all I need. I believe You're my portion. I believe You're more than enough for me. Jesus, You're all I need. Nothing is impossible for You. Nothing is impossible for You. Nothing is impossible for You. You hold the world in Your hands. You're more than enough for me.... The same power that conquered the grave lives in me. The same power that rescued the earth lives in me. This song is an incredible declaration of who God is and what He can do. Now, He doesn't always "heal" as I want Him to heal. And I think that this is largely what I think about and become overwhelmed with in hearing and singing this song. His definition of love and mine collide-- His makes a mess of mine. What to do? I tried just not thinking about it-- how different His ways are from mine; however, that doesn't work. I mean, in the struggle, in the heat, when bad things happen/when good things happen, when there is doubt and fear in me-- my views about Him are confronted. What I think about God (who He is, what He does, etc)has to line up with Scripture and come under His authority or else my "Christianity" is nothing more than a pitiful excuse for a hobby. And I want to believe the truth about whoever He is...because then I can trust and cling to Him in the fires of life that are certain to come. It's still hard, though. Because sometimes I want for Him to choose to heal in an earthly sense more than I want Him to heal in the spiritual sense. William James Fulerton Pufall. A name that perhaps means nothing to you... YET, A leader of people into worship through song. One of seven groomsmen in mine and Brian's wedding. A friend to Brian through the years. A fellow journeymen to the Grand Canyon with Brian one October. A buddy on the Appalachain Trail...(He affectionately named me "Gravity" on the AT and it sort of stuck). And one, who, coincidentally, never liked any of the trail names we gave him... Host of many 'gatherings' at his home. A friend to many. and much more. Will passed away today. I still cannot believe it. I'm crying, but I still don't really believe that it's true. I mean, how? And why? Knowing that God can heal and sometimes chooses not to heal is hard to swallow. And that's because I'm not God and don't understand the bigness of who He is and what He's about. I know that everything was created through Him and for Him (Colossians 1:16) and that He is before all things (Colossians 1:17), so in every sense, our every breath is His-- He is the author. He gives and takes away and owes no explanation. He is kind and wise. But this is difficult to apply to my emotions today because a dear friend is no longer here... He won't see Baby Caldwell in May. He won't host another gathering of friends at his house. He won't be leading worship. He won't be writing or working on another CD. He won't be going on the AT with us again. He won't be borrowing gear from Brian. He won't be around to make us smile with his wit. But he will be before the throne. And I want that for him. I do believe that we're the most satisfied when He is most glorified. I hope that Will's life and death anthem the renown of Jesus Christ...