Neglecting My Thirst

It's me.
Writing from my dining room table on my husband's work laptop, which I really like. It's new and nice and sleek. Way more blogging-friendly than my old desktop PC.

I'm sitting here in the quiet almost quiet. I think that I hear Caleb playing with some toy in his room. He's supposed to be napping. It's Sunday afternoon. Sundays are our family's hardest day. Can you relate? I know that one day (soon?) things won't be this way, so I am trying to enjoy/perservere while today is the moment in which I find myself.

I haven't been in the blogging mood. I can always tell how I am doing by gauging my desire to write. Whether it be little journal entries, cards to friends, blog posts, letters, songs, etc., if I am "me," I am usually scribbling away on something. That just hasn't been the case since my second son, Abraham, was born.

I'm busier. More tired. More frazzled. I can't remember things as easily and I lack creativity. Creativity and writing are good friends in my world. And when creativity is lacking, writing is as well. Hate that.

The strange thing is that my chores are still being completed. Some mothers are tired and busy and their household duties become drudgery. Not my case. See, I am a total weirdo. You know the kind I mean, don't you? I am of the breed that actually (dare I say it?) enjoys housework. There is something about loading and unloading the dishwasher, folding clothes, mopping floors, dusting, vaccuuming, etc. that really helps me to decompress and/or think. I have to fight doing those things when I should be resting or reading or something like that.

Lately, I am neglectful of things that matter more than household "thinking" chores. Lately, I have been neglectful in my relationship with the One who hold all things together.

My relationship with God has certainly changed since becoming a wife and a mother. In fact, "changed" seems so light of a word when you really examine what's happened. My time has become a valuable resource... a limited one, really. There are lots of things to do and teach and learn anc build and rebuild. And I am a of the persuassion that a mother has to really be intentional about her time to make the most of the day. If I don't have a plan for when/where/how I am going to spend time in the Word or in prayer or both, then it completely goes to pot and I am left crawling into bed at a late hour, apologizing to the Lord for having not spent any focused time with Him that day.

A friend reminded me of a passage that says that the Lord gently leads those with young. I didn't really know how to take that. Does the Lord expect less of me because I am a mother? No. Don't think so. If anything, there is more instruction that leads me to believe that I am supposed to lean on Him even MORE for direction and wisdom for these little people that my husband and I are stewarding. What does the verse mean? I guess I have come to realize that the Lord knows my frame (Psalm 103) and He knows what my life looks like. He is patient with me and with my children. He expects me to rely on His grace to be able to seek Him out... And even if I don't get to have that hour long time with Him in the mornings like I once could, I can still seek Him. There is grace for that. I just have been neglecting to tap into it.

I hope you aren't like me.
I hope you've been drinking from the well of His goodness, no matter what your life looks like right now.

Thanks for checking in.
Off to get a drink.