Friendship

Recently, I've been able to look back on my life (or at least, life for these six years gone by) and process some things that I hadn't yet. Mainly friendships.

Friendships, growing up, were very easy for me. I have a natural fondness for people and do not have to work at enjoying them. I have been told (by my parents & relatives) that this has been true of me for a long, long while. Friendships, therefore, were abundant. I remember my parents cautioning me and telling me that if I were to have a few close friends, I should consider that a great success. I remember being so puzzled by their cautionary advice because, at the time, I had many good friends. Of course, I had an amazing amount of time to invest in people and they in me. In high school and college, I spent most of my time with people. We discussed really deep theological topics, good books, politics, as well as not-so-deep things like hair, music, and food.

When I was barely twenty years old, I married my best friend (whom I had only known for about 6 months at the time). I had gone off to school at the University of Florida and had grown apart from many of my Pensacola friends. Many of them were also going away to universities in all parts of the country. It was sort of a natural shift; one that I don't like that happens, but one that happens, nonetheless. When I moved to Gainesville, I met some really remarkable people through a church there and had a great season of sowing and being sown into. When I finished a semester there, Brian asked me to marry him and I moved back to Pensacola. Making friends after we were married was really difficult for me. I remember so vividly a conversation with one of my friends (a friend I had known since 9th grade) who said plainly, "It's just hard to be friends with you now that you're married. No one else that I know is married and it's just odd." I don't know exactly what she meant by it, but I do know that I didn't see her much after that. Brian introduced me to several dear friends of his, but they were quite a bit older than I was and I was just so immature and crazy. At that time, I was going through, what I like to refer to as the "Lifetime movie" phase of Brian and mine's marriage. I had a lot going on emotionally and really was a hot mess. Not even joking. That's another post for another time.

So, since then, and since having three children, I am out of the loop on this friendship deal. Since having the children, though, I will say that a lot of the walls that women put up have come down (I guess because pregnancy and childbirth give us common ground?) and I am oh, so grateful. I do have some really wonderful friendships that have begun to blossom, but I'd like things to be deeper. I have been severely perplexed about it all-- why it's so tough and why so many girls I know lack deep relationships (with someone besides a relative or a spouse). Then it hit me:  I don't invest the time into relationships like I used to. And let's face it: I can't, in this season of life. My priorities are different. I am no longer just able to take of  just me. I am looking out for Brian, Halie, Caleb, Abraham, and Noa Grace. My expectations for friends that I have now need to be lowered and I need to realize that this is where I am-- this season of  a new way to make and maintain friendships.

What about you?
Is there any insight that you have about juggling life + friends?

*I know that I didn't say much about how to be a good friend, etc. I guess this spiel was more just to unveil my epiphany about time being this key component with friends ( and I don't feel like I ever have time ).