Monday, October 15, 2012

Remedy for my anger: The Gospel

I've never thought of myself as an angry person, but when it comes to the discipline and training of my children, an angry person emerges with such frequency that I may need to seek out some major counseling. I wish it were as simple as just putting new information in between my ears, but alas, I am afraid it is not quite that simple. See, I know that what I should be doing is pointing out their respective need for the Savior. I know that I should not be taking their offenses personally. They are afterall, only  three, two, and 9 months old. What sort of ridiculous person expects such lofty things for such small and precious people? This idiot.
I know that there is a balance between lovingly holding them to a standard and being gracious. I want to do both. But for the life of me, I cannot figure out how to make it stick.

Prayer? Yes. I am daily reminded of my complete inability to do this thing called "parenting." And really "existing" is complicated for me these days. I feel like I am in between two worlds. I want to embrace this time of my children being young, because I do know ( and hear often) that it passes by ever so quickly. I want to savor it, but then again, I sometimes find myself just wanting to gulp it down and move on to the next course. It doesn't work like that. I think that I am supposed to learn to savor this season. Maybe in the next season, I will long for this season? That's terrifying to me, actually. At this moment, I cannot continue with that thought process.

The point is: I see who I am becoming and what I've done and I don't like it. And I know that you may think that I simply need to make the choice to change and be done with what i don't desire. But, dang it, I cannot. I've tried. I am desirous of the Gospel to move in and rearrange or reupholster or remodel completely. I don't like this "me." I need the help of the Savior just like my kids do. Desperately. More desperately, even.


2 comments:

Appollo Schloss said...

Thankfully we have one! And He is right here with us even in our worst parenting moments teaching and molding us.

Anonymous said...

I hear ya..... Anger is truly a condition where the tongue works faster than the mind, it can be crippling, stifling, and devastating. I am continually humbled with those who have such remarkable control and patience in situations that allow for neither. I can only come back to "Rights" and "Privileges"....in the moment of greatest frustration and irritation...I stop and tell my self that whatever I want or expect would be a privilege...but it's not my right. It's not easy, but it can be a powerful reminder that "you were bought with a price" don't be a slave to your anger (ambition, expectations, job etc). So thankful for God's grace!!